random Jokes

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
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brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
185,163
Likes
8,778
Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.

"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
 

stevent222

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Circumcised (this is priceless!)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.​
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'​
 

stevent222

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Boat Launching Procedures

So here it is.


I just bought a new boat and decided to take 'er for the maiden voyage this past weekend.

This is my first boat and I wasn't quite sure of the exact Standard Operating Procedures for launching it off a ramp, but I figured it couldn't be too hard.

I consulted my local boat dealer for advice, but they just said "don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat".
What am I doing wrong?
Well, I don't know what they meant by that as I could barely get the trailer in the water at all!

Anyhow, here's a picture below. See for yourself. What am I doing wrong?



Your gonna love this guy!!!!!!!


















 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
185,163
Likes
8,778
Boat Launching Procedures

So here it is.

I just bought a new boat and decided to take 'er for the maiden voyage this past weekend.

This is my first boat and I wasn't quite sure of the exact Standard Operating Procedures for launching it off a ramp, but I figured it couldn't be too hard.

I consulted my local boat dealer for advice, but they just said "don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat".
What am I doing wrong?
Well, I don't know what they meant by that as I could barely get the trailer in the water at all!


Anyhow, here's a picture below. See for yourself. What am I doing wrong?



Your gonna love this guy!!!!!!!


Should this not be in Spot the Mackem?