random Jokes

stevent222

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This is a conversation between a man and his wife. Please note that she asks five or six questions which he answered quite simply, but then she is speechless after answering only one question.


l bet this happens more often than not to most husbands out there:



Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about three

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00, which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary!)

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450.00. In one year, it would be approximately
$5,400.00 correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5,400.00, not accounting for inflation, the
past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000.00 correct?

Man: Correct

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.

Man: Where is your airplane?
 

brilor

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A couple were driving at 70mph down the road, husband behind the wheel.

The wife suddenly says "Honey, I know we've been married twenty years but I
want a divorce."

He says nothing but increases the speed to 80mph.

She says "Now don't try to talk me out of it, I've been screwing your best
friend for sometime now and he IS better at sex than you."

He stays quiet, but speeds up to 90mph.

She says "I want the house and the car." (He is now doing 100mph.) "I want
the bank accounts and the credit cards too." she says.

The husband starts to veer towards the side of the road and a large grove
of trees.

The wife gets nervous and asks "Isn't there ANYTHING you want?"

"No, I've got all I need."

"Oh really, so what exactly do you have?"

Just before they hit the tree at 120mph he smiles and says "The f******
air-bag!"
 

brilor

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This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent.
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly." "Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."