random Jokes

stevent222

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What's Written On This One!?


There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address.

He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read: "Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna"

The postal worker was touched.

He showed the letter to all the other workers.

Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.



By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read: "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

"By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office!"
 

stevent222

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Senility

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
 

brilor

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A little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take the dog for a

walk around the block?"

Her mum replies, "No, because she is on heat."

"What does that mean?" asked the girl.

"Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes out to the and says, "Dad, can I take

Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she

said the dog was on heat and to ask you."

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the

dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said,

"Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only

go one time around the block"'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with

no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked "Where's Lulu?"

You'll love this!!!!!!!!! ...............

The little girl said "She ran out of petrol about halfway

round the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
 

brilor

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If this doesn't hit the nail on the head,
I don't know what does...
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint...?
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week...
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment,
then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then...
Why the different treatment for the two patients...?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever...
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.
Next time take me to a vet...