random Jokes

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
194,044
Likes
21,480
A Husband and Wife who worked for the Circus went to an adoption agency.

The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.??

The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot Motor Home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful Nursery.

The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

"We've arranged for a full-time Tutor will teach the Child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and Computer Skills".

Then the social workers expressed concern about a Child being raised in a Circus environment.??

"Our Nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."

The social workers were finally satisfied.

They asked,

"What age child are you hoping to Adopt"..??

"It doesn't really matter.. As long as the little fucker fits in the Cannon"..
 

squirt

Administrator
Joined
May 5, 2004
Messages
783,902
Likes
46,234
A Husband and Wife who worked for the Circus went to an adoption agency.

The social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.??

The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot Motor Home, which was clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful Nursery.

The social workers then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

"We've arranged for a full-time Tutor will teach the Child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and Computer Skills".

Then the social workers expressed concern about a Child being raised in a Circus environment.??

"Our Nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet."

The social workers were finally satisfied.

They asked,

"What age child are you hoping to Adopt"..??

"It doesn't really matter.. As long as the little fucker fits in the Cannon"..
soooooooooo close lol
 

stevent222

Jokeroo Immortal
Joined
Apr 3, 2006
Messages
270,421
Likes
14,269
We Must Uphold Our Standards In This College

It was the beginning of a new academic year at the college, and the freshmen were beginning to arrive.

The job of introducing the newcomers to their new surroundings belonged to the Dean of Women.

During the opening speech of the lecture, the Dean saw fit to bring up the subject of sexual morality, in line with the college's conservative values.

She asked the freshmen: "In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"


The freshmen half-heartedly muttered in agreement, and the lecture went on without interruption.

At the end of the lecture, the Dean decided to ask the freshmen if they had any questions.

One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said:

"How do you make it last for a whole hour??"

 

stevent222

Jokeroo Immortal
Joined
Apr 3, 2006
Messages
270,421
Likes
14,269
A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation.

One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people.




They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.

They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.



My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. when I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house.



Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."




 

stevent222

Jokeroo Immortal
Joined
Apr 3, 2006
Messages
270,421
Likes
14,269
A popular newspaper was carrying out a survey on sexual habits

and one questioner stopped an elderly Italian

gentleman in the street who was wearing a black suit and asked

him how often he had sexual intercourse.

"Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman.

The questioner smiled.

"I thought you Italians were supposed to be sexy!" she said.

We are," said the gentleman.

"But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a

seventy-two year old priest with no car."
 

stevent222

Jokeroo Immortal
Joined
Apr 3, 2006
Messages
270,421
Likes
14,269
How Should I Go About Hearing Confession?


A newly ordained priest, nervous about hearing confessions, finally asks an older priest to observe how he does and give some tips.

After listening in on the second confession, the older priest suggested that the younger man fold his arms, maybe rub his chin with one hand while saying phrases like "I see" or "I understand" or "Yes, my child. Go on".



The young priest puts the suggestions into practice and later tells the older priest how much it has helped getting more information from his flock.

"You've done well," said the older man.

"Isn't that much better than slapping your knee and yelling 'No way! What happened next?'"
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
194,044
Likes
21,480
Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living.
"I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.
"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."
"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"
"A pond" the builder replied.
"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."
"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.
"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."
The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."
"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."
"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.
The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often."
"Never!" the builder exclaimed.
"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"
The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"
"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."
"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.
"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
"No" replied his mate.
"Well, you're a wanker then!"😂🤣
 
Joined
May 5, 2004
Messages
783,902
Likes
46,234
Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living.
"I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.
"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."
"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"
"A pond" the builder replied.
"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."
"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.
"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."
The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."
"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."
"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.
The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often."
"Never!" the builder exclaimed.
"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"
The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"
"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."
"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.
"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
"No" replied his mate.
"Well, you're a wanker then!"😂🤣
lol ♥