The mortician calls Mrs. Banley, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Banley, but I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he has a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."
A man donates blood to his wife after she is badly injured. A few years later they go through a bitter divorce and he demands his blood back.
So she throws a tampon in his face and says, "There you go you miserable cunt, I'll pay you back monthly."
And the moral of this story is...even if a woman eventually pays back everything she owes to a man, there will always be a string attached!
After the death of his wife an elderly man married a young woman ..
Now he was spending less time with his friends. His concerned friends enquired if there was a problem.
“I'm to pass time with you but my poor wife gets lonely when I'm away.”
Friends advised him to keep a young tenant at home, your wife will be happy in the company of a younger person.
The elderly man promptly acted on their advise and leased a room in house to a young tenant.The friends were meeting more often. One day the friends jokingly asked, “How is your wife now?” She is not lonely at all, in fact she is happy and “She is pregnant”
The friends laughed, as they expected this. “How is the tenant?” they asked.
The man replied very soberly “She is also pregnant"