random Jokes

brilor

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Do you think the people who work in FCUK put money in a Swaer box?
 

stevent222

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Tonsils.

A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils
removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have
surgery.

On the day he was admitted his mother asked if the doctor would please
circumcise the boy, since he's already going to be under anesthesia.
The boy woke up and was very sore "down there" there for several days.
About a week later he got to see his playmate again. The playmate
informed him that he, too was also going to have to have his tonsils
out. He asked the boy to tell him about the surgery. The little boy
replied, "All I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think
they are."
 

stevent222

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he light

Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly’s wife went into
labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to
assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor
handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here. You hold this high
so I can see what I am
doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

Whoa there, said the doctor, “Don’t be in such a rush to put that
lantern down. I think there’s another one coming.” Sure enough, within
minutes he had delivered a baby girl. “Hold that lantern up, don’t set
it down there’s another one!” said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

“No, don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s
yet another one coming!” cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
“You reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ’em?
 

stevent222

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Dear Neighbour Hi, George, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text, & I can't live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this.The truth is that, when you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day & night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently & I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology & forgive me.Please suggest a fee for usage, & I'll pay you. Regards, Richard

NEIGHBOUR'S RESPONSE: George, feeling enraged & betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, & shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink & sat down on the sofa. George then looked at his phone & discovered a 2nd text message from Richard.

2nd TEXT MESSAGE: Hi, George, Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out & noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.
 

stevent222

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A little boy came down to breakfast one day.

Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had
done his chores."Not yet," said the little boy.



His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast
until he does his chores.


Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.


He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to
feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.



He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives
him a bowl of dry cereal.


"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any
milk in my cereal, he asks?


"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't
get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't
get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow,
so you aren't getting any milk this morning."



Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast,
and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen.



The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says,








"Are you going to tell him, or should I?"