random Jokes

TonyColony

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My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with wearing a different t shirt every hour..

I said, “Wait! I can change.”
 

stevent222

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A CNN REPORTER WALKS INTO A NEIGHBORHOOD TAVERN AND IS ABOUT TO ORDER A
DRINK WHEN HE SEES A GUY AT THE END OF THE BAR WEARING A "MAKE AMERICA
GREAT AGAIN" HAT. IT DIDN'T TAKE AN EINSTEIN TO KNOW THE GUY WAS A DONALD
TRUMP SUPPORTER.


THE CNN GUY SHOUTS OVER TO THE BARTENDER, LOUDLY ENOUGH THAT EVERYONE IN
THE BAR COULD HEAR, "DRINKS FOR EVERYONE IN HERE, BARTENDER, EXCEPT FOR
THAT TRUMP SUPPORTER."


AFTER THE DRINKS WERE HANDED OUT THE TRUMP GUY GIVES THE CNN GUY A BIG
SMILE, WAVES AT HIM AND SAYS, IN AN EQUALLY LOUD VOICE, "THANK YOU!"




THIS INFURIATES THE CNN REPORTER. SO HE ONCE AGAIN LOUDLY ORDERS DRINKS FOR
EVERYONE EXCEPT THE GUY WEARING THE TRUMP HAT. AS BEFORE, THIS DOESN'T SEEM
TO BOTHER THE TRUMP GUY. HE JUST CONTINUES TO SMILE AND AGAIN YELLS, "THANK
YOU!"




SO THE CNN GUY AGAIN LOUDLY ORDERS DRINKS FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT THE TRUMP
GUY. AND AGAIN THE TRUMP GUY JUST SMILES AND YELLS BACK, "THANK YOU!"


AT THAT POINT THE AGGRAVATED CNN REPORTER ASKS THE BARTENDER, "WHAT THE
HELL IS THE MATTER WITH THAT TRUMP SUPPORTER? I'VE ORDERED THREE ROUNDS OF
DRINKS FOR EVERYONE IN THE BAR BUT HIM AND ALL THE SILLY ASS DOES IS SMILE
AND THANK ME. IS HE NUTS?"



"NOPE," REPLIES THE BARTENDER.. "HE OWNS THE PLACE."





.



__,_._,___
 

TonyColony

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A man is granted three wishes by a genie..

Man: My first wish is that I want all lawyers to disappear.

Genie: Done,now you have zero wishes left.

Man: What?! You can't do that,I still have my two wishes remaining.

Genie: Sue me.
 

stevent222

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Out For a Date.



Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Ardelle: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs. And what's there; a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner; a marvelous dinner, lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment, and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go?"

Ardelle: "No, no, no. I'm just saying, wear an old dress!"
 

stevent222

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Jill meets Nadine for lunch. "You're looking very
tired today, Jill. Did you have a late night?"
"Yes," replies Jill, "but it was all very
strange. While doing some gardening yesterday, I
found a lamp, so I rubbed it and out popped a
genie. He gave me a choice of two wishes."
"Wow," says Nadine, "so what were the choices he gave you, Jill?"
"He said he could either give me an excellent,
sharp, 100% memory or else he could give my
boyfriend a bigger penis."
"So tell me already, Jill, what did you choose?"
"I can't remember," replies Jill.





Remember Never Lie, cheat,steal or Kill. The Goverment hates Competition.