random Jokes

TonyColony

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It's very rare that a defibrillator fails..

but when it does, no one is shocked.
 

stevent222

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Apr 3, 2006
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That's a Lot of Knots, Even For a Sailor

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old time's sakes.

He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room

and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age.

After a couple of minutes, he asks, "How am I doing?"

The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."

"Three knots?" He asks. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back."
 

stevent222

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A young man with his pants hanging half off his behind, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. you know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2016 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the Daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.

The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me?”

The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."​