real silly headlines

konifur

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Joined
Jan 25, 2009
Messages
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#1
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?



Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.


I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing, lazy so-and-so's!

------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendent

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger
Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

-------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

***************************************************

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

*******************************************
And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


Did I read that right?
 

stevent222

Jokeroo Immortal
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#2
Wife runs over husband four times, we expect she was mad.

Milwaukee Journal Sources say a non suicidal deer was hit by car at 7:36 P.M. on old Dear Road yesterday evening.

Bomb Blast expected to be Intentional.


Those are just a few that I remembered off hand that I've read. Funny post konifur.
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
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#3
Nothing gets rid of headaches like Paracetamol!

Where do I get nothing?
 

squirt

Administrator
Joined
May 5, 2004
Messages
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#5
- Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing

- Air Head Fired

- Steals Clock, Faces Time

- Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

- Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni

- Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board

- Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

- Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction

- Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

- Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
 

hortysir

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Joined
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#6
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
OMG!!!!!
That one got my giggle bone!!!!
Employees think I've went mad!!!!
:D
 

Marky_D_Sahdd

Sir Talks-a-lot
Joined
Oct 7, 2004
Messages
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#7
My Mom's favorite from our local paper;

"Supervisors and Councilmen Butt Heads"

She said she'd been telling people that for years!
 

Marky_D_Sahdd

Sir Talks-a-lot
Joined
Oct 7, 2004
Messages
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#8
Not a headline, but my exxie's grandmother was from a VERY small Texas town. Once, the entire weekly newspaper was devoted to the opening of the funeral home's new building. As if it wasn't funny enough seeing ads from every other business in town congratulating the funeral home on their success, the entire last page was a full page ad listing the names of the founders and present owners. Beneath it was the following:

"We look forward to seeing the portraits of these fine men when they are hung in the main gallery during the opening ceremonies."

Doesn't pay to succeed, does it?
 

Marky_D_Sahdd

Sir Talks-a-lot
Joined
Oct 7, 2004
Messages
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#9
PS: The state of California, a few years ago, issued signs for every classroom in the state. One of them read: "The teacher dismisses the students, not the bell." Why would the bell need to be dismissed?
 

stevent222

Jokeroo Immortal
Joined
Apr 3, 2006
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#10
I have often remove all dough of that and just start talking with the employees here.

If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while.

Cold wave linked to temperatures.

Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.

Man is fatally slain.



[/FONT]
 

squirt

Administrator
Joined
May 5, 2004
Messages
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#11
[QUOTE="Marky_D_Sahdd, post: 2985417]Not a headline, but my exxie's grandmother was from a VERY small Texas town. Once, the entire weekly newspaper was devoted to the opening of the funeral home's new building. As if it wasn't funny enough seeing ads from every other business in town congratulating the funeral home on their success, the entire last page was a full page ad listing the names of the founders and present owners. Beneath it was the following:

"We look forward to seeing the portraits of these fine men when they are hung in the main gallery during the opening ceremonies."

Doesn't pay to succeed, does it?[/QUOTE]

sometimes! lol :crazy:
 

LAWRENCE

Senior Member
Joined
May 16, 2004
Messages
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#15
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
*****************************************
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
J uvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
************************************************** *
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
************************************************** *

:crazy: