Religious fervour!

brilor

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A van driver used to amuse himself by scaring the shit out of every Glasgow Rangers fan he saw strutting down the road in his blue and white uniform. He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back onto the road. One day as he was driving along the road, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do his good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift. "Where are you going, Father?" he asked.
"I'm going to say Mass at St Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road," came the reply.
"No problem," said the driver, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift."
The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down the road. Suddenly the driver caught site of a Hun on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him, but just in time, remembering the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing the cunt. Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, however, he still heard a loud "Thud". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Rangers Supporter walking down the road there."
"That's okay," replied the priest, "I got the fucker with the door!
 

brilor

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A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and some chit chat the priest said, "Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?"

He then realized the truth, "I think we're in a gay bar."

A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to do. The minister leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear. The man nodded and walked off.

The relieved priest said, "Thanks. What did you tell him?"

The minister replied, "I just told him we're on our honeymoon."
 

brilor

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In a London Nursing home an old priest lay dying.
> For years he had faithfully served the people of the
> nation’s capital.
> He motioned for his nurse to come near.
> “Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
> “I would really like to see David Cameron and
> Nick Clegg I before I die”, whispered the priest.
> “I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse”
> The nurse sent the request to No 10 and waited for a response.
> Soon the word arrived; David and Nick would be delighted to
> visit the priest.
> As they went to the hospital, David commented to Nick,
> “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it
> certainly will help our images”.
> Nick agreed that it was the right thing to do at this time.
> When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took
> David's hand in his right hand and the Nicks hand in his left.
> There was silence and a look of serenity on the old
> priest’s face.
> The old priest slowly said:
> “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour,
> Jesus Christ.”
> “Amen”, said David
> “Amen”, said Nick
>
> The old priest continued,
> “Jesus died between two lying thieving bastards; and I would like to do the
> same....”
 

brilor

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A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up
 

brilor

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According to the Bible Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Palestine .
A country where people are called Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar,
Youssouf, Mouloud, etc

And he managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas,
Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon ..... who all drank wine!!

Now that's what I call a miracle!!!
 

brilor

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A priest calls the police because a dead pig lies in front of the church...

The police arrive and one of the officers sarcastically remarks, "I thought that priests took care of the dead"...?

The priest answers, "You’re right about that, but we always notify thefamily first"....