Religious fervour!

brilor

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The job interviewer asked "What's your full name?"
"Its Bobby Fucking Bastard Twat Fuck Cunt PissFlaps McMichael"
"Do you suffer from Tourette's Bobby?"
"No, but the vicar at my christening did!"
 

brilor

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A priest is walking though a forest late at night. While in the forest he encounters a frog who is sitting on a log, crying. Being a man of God, he approaches the frog and asks him why he is crying.

The frog says to him, "I used to be an 11 year old alter boy but I was turned into a frog by a wicked witch. The only way I can become an 11 year old alter boy again is if a kind man lets me sleep in his bed for the night and kisses me goodnight."

"You could come and stay with me for the night. I'm a kind man", said the priest.

The frog agreed and they both went back to the priests house and the priest let the frog sleep in his bed and gave him a good nights kiss. The next morning, the priest awakens to find an 11 year old alter boy lying next to him in bed...

"And that your Honour, is the case for the defence"
 

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There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways.

In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland , Antonio was born in Italy .

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope.

In time, the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified.

With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?"
After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply.
"We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SE-COLA!
 

brilor

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Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.

One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed

to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.'

The other one replies, 'It's working just fine.

I'm down to two butts a day.'
 

brilor

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An 8-year-old altar boy catches the priest masturbating.

He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating, my son” the priest replied, "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why's that father ?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me.”
 

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The pakistanis prayer:Our father,who art in leicester,patel be thy name,thy curry come,thystinging bum, on earth as it is in bradford,give us this day our dailynaan,and forgive us our smell and help those that hold our smellagainst us, and lead us not into employment, but deliver us allbenefits. For thine is the prayer mat,the nissan almera, and thekorma,foreva n eva, ahmed