Return To Innocence: Chasing The Sunset & Facing Myself

AuroraAngel

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#1
During my last visit to the forums, I vented off about my depression and anxiety problems but let those problems get the best of me when a few of you tried to show understanding. :oops:

Manzy had written about finding the sunset after the clouds had cleared. I really liked her view and her words gave me hope that someday I may find myself again and be well. Thank you, Manzy! :littleheart:

I had tossed around this idea of posting, occasionally, my own progress toward healing. To be honest, I wasn't sure many would be interested in reading this type of thread since it is a touchy subject and most people enjoy the humor on the forums and not the crybaby crap.

But I decided to give it a go despite the groans I am sure will be heard in the audience...lol

I entitled this thread, "Return To Innocence" because there are some cruel, life changing moments in my past that I wished I had never learned and this is my road to rekindling my child-like, fun loving side again.

Since my last visit, I have had a few successes to some challenges I was facing. The biggest one was getting my driver's license after years of not having one because I feared driving so much. I am back to driving myself where I need to go and not allowing that fear to push me into depending on others. Yay for some independence!
My next goal is to learn to relax and sleep more than I do. My doctor gave me sleeping medicine but when I see him on the 3rd of February, I am going to inform him that it doesn't help me sleep any more than I have in the past 16 years and I would prefer to take a more natural approach to getting more rest at night. I did create a bedtime routine for myself in an attempt to "signal" to my brain that it's time to sleep. It helped somewhat but needs more adjusting since I still have to do relaxation exercises to finally fall asleep.

Along with my new goal, I am taking some time to enjoy outings with family and to create new animations in my free time for a bit of fun. :D







 

squirt

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#2
we like progress! :bravo:

most Roo'ers love learning about each other, I know I sure do
and I know what good therapy it is to put words to "paper"
so even if nobody ever read this, it's already serving a purpose
and I gotta' give a big ol' YAY! to independence! :clap:


:zebrahug: :inlove:
 

AuroraAngel

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#3
[QUOTE="squirt, post: 4988588]we like progress! :bravo:

most Roo'ers love learning about each other, I know I sure do
and I know what good therapy it is to put words to "paper"
so even if nobody ever read this, it's already serving a purpose
and I gotta' give a big ol' YAY! to independence! :clap:


:zebrahug: :inlove:[/QUOTE]

Thank you, Squirt. :happyhug:


 

Sexylady007

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#4
​Dear Aurora
you have helped me today to see I am not alone & OMG can I ever relate to the fear of driving & Depression I am so proud of you that you are facing your fear head on that's the only way to conquer it so for that I have to give you a
:clap:

Hang in there sweetie, there's always rainbows after a dark thunderstorm like my mom always told me whatever your going through this shall pass also so take it one day at a time...:hearthugs:
 

AuroraAngel

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#5
[QUOTE="Sexylady007, post: 4988617]​Dear Aurora
you have helped me today to see I am not alone & OMG can I ever relate to the fear of driving & Depression I am so proud of you that you are facing your fear head on that's the only way to conquer it so for that I have to give you a
:clap:

Hang in there sweetie, there's always rainbows after a dark thunderstorm like my mom always told me whatever your going through this shall pass also so take it one day at a time...:hearthugs:[/QUOTE]

Sweet Laila,
Your Mom is a very wise woman. You hang in there too, my friend. :littleheart: It's a bit comforting to know that I too am not alone and perhaps someday, you and I will find that beautiful rainbow after the storm.

:happyhug:
I will take it one baby step at a time and continue forward even when I am really good at falling flat on my face.. lol

Thank you for your comments. They mean a lot to me.
 

Sexylady007

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#6
[QUOTE="AuroraAngel, post: 4988625]Sweet Laila,
Your Mom is a very wise woman. You hang in there too, my friend. :littleheart: It's a bit comforting to know that I too am not alone and perhaps someday, you and I will find that beautiful rainbow after the storm.

:happyhug:
I will take it one baby step at a time and continue forward even when I am really good at falling flat on my face.. lol

Thank you for your comments. They mean a lot to me.
[/QUOTE]
((No Thank you sweetheart)) okay it was only yesterday I had this thought and it was this I thought of all the BS I have been through in my life and in each thing I faced is now over and behind me I got through by the grace of God so it did pass all I have to do is let go of it and move on and with that said yes I am now facing something that's going on in my Son's life But I must remain faithful and be his Rock but I also need someone to be my Rock so I run to Jesus that's the only way I know how to cope with things so at the end of the day I can stay sane...God bless your steps my dear friend...:happyhug:
 

AuroraAngel

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#7
[QUOTE="Sexylady007, post: 4988628]((No Thank you sweetheart)) okay it was only yesterday I had this thought and it was this I thought of all the BS I have been through in my life and in each thing I faced is now over and behind me I got through by the grace of God so it did pass all I have to do is let go of it and move on and with that said yes I am now facing something that's going on in my Son's life But I must remain faithful and be his Rock but I also need someone to be my Rock so I run to Jesus that's the only way I know how to cope with things so at the end of the day I can stay sane...God bless your steps my dear friend...:happyhug:[/QUOTE]

I understand the importance of letting the past go and moving on with life. I remind myself all the time that I am a survivor and am grateful for each good moment I have during my day. Each morning, I say a prayer at sunrise for the blessings of the divine to spread across the Earth and all its people, like the light of the rising sun. I am strong in my faith as well and it has been my rock more times than I can count too. Oddly enough, my Son is also having a very rough time and I am here for him, always.
At times, it can be tough holding it all together for not just myself but my loved ones too. Fortunately, I have good friends and my sons to keep me sane at the end of my day with their understanding.

May God bless you too, Girlfriend.
:happyhug:

 

roadkill

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#8
first off i want to congratulate you for finding the courage to write this thread...i have read it trust me when i say..you are not alone..i am not sure if you now my story or not..there are some things in my past that i may never fully get over..but with the help of my health care givers and real friends i can accept it and put it behind me the best i can...dont get me wrong...i wont blow smoke up your skirt and say the struggles are over...but i will say it does get easier...i started my colors thread way back when i first got comfortable with the ROO..it is a way for me to slow my mind and thoughts to relax so i can sleep at night an when things get going too fast for me at other times of the day

i also started my lost and found thread to help those that matter to me to explain and understand what living with a TBI is like for the the sufferer..as i cant explain what i dont understand myself..i only know how it has changed me
both mentally and physically
you can slap me if you want ...but i am giving you a hug Angel
:christmashug:

thank God i am not the the man i was..but i am still not the man i want to be
 
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AuroraAngel

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#9
[QUOTE="roadkill, post: 4988633]first off i want to congratulate you for finding the courage to write this thread...i have read it trust me when i say..you are not alone..i am not sure if you now my story or not..there are some things in my past that i may never fully get over..but with the help of my health care givers and real friends i can accept it and put it behind me the best i can...dont get me wrong...i wont blow smoke up your skirt and say the struggles are over...but i will say it does get easier...i started my colors thread way back when i first got comfortable with the ROO..it is a way for me to slow my mind and thoughts to relax so i can sleep at night an when things get going too fast for me at other times of the day

i also started my lost and found thread to help those that matter to me to explain and understand what living with a TBI is like for the the sufferer..as i cant explain what i dont understand myself..i only know how it has changed me
both mentally and physically

thank God i am not the the man i was..but i am still not the man i want to be
[/QUOTE]

Thanks for not blowing smoke up my skirt, RK. I appreciate your sincere thoughts and comments. I have followed most of your threads and tbh, you helped inspire me to start this thread.
I have never been the woman I wanted to be because my "reality" was warped from childhood on and what I thought was the way I should handle my life was omgs, ever so wrong. Thankfully, I am now learning the truth about my life and am slowly learning what I really want my life to become and what is truly important to me.

I wish you the best on your own road to recovery, my friend.
 

stevent222

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#10
Depression is not fun and hoping and praying that you take this head on and go forwards and not fall back like it seems that I always do.
LMP commented that she falls back on Jesus I have done this so many times also although my straight isn't very well anymore so in order to sleep I heavyly medicate myself with liquor because I've tryed just about all the other crap the doctors what to give. And by no means I am guessting that to anyone else.
[/COLOR]
 

AuroraAngel

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#11
[QUOTE="stevent222, post: 4988707]Depression is not fun and hoping and praying that you take this head on and go forwards and not fall back like it seems that I always do.
LMP commented that she falls back on Jesus I have done this so many times also although my straight isn't very well anymore so in order to sleep I heavyly medicate myself with liquor because I've tryed just about all the other crap the doctors what to give. And by no means I am guessting that to anyone else.
[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, Stevent.

As positive as I would like to keep this thread, I can't say I don't have fears of relapsing back into my former habit of falling apart when the going gets tough. But on a brighter note, I am stronger today than I was yesterday and I am learning more and more coping skills to help when my mood falters on me.

Bless your heart, Sweetie. I wish you the best on your own journey to feeling good again and getting some sleep without the need for alcohol.
:happyhug:
 

AuroraAngel

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#12
Don't think for a moment I didn't see you sneak in that hug, RK! LOL Ah, what the hell...lol Back at ya! :christmashug:
 

roadkill

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#13
[QUOTE="AuroraAngel, post: 4988737]Don't think for a moment I didn't see you sneak in that hug, RK! LOL Ah, what the hell...lol Back at ya! :christmashug:[/QUOTE]
lmao...see it wasnt that bad eh?...and thank you...lmao
 

AuroraAngel

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#14



Update:

My depression has been really low since my last post in this thread. Things are looking up for me as I face the challenges of recovery. I started group therapy and I have been facing more of the fears that feed some of my anxiety. The one thing I keep in mind is something a former friend once said, "I do not fear the storm, I welcome it." I know that with each step I take, despite how fearful I may be, I am growing stronger and my fears will become fewer.

I may not remove all the things I fear in my life but I will be better able to face the approaching storm with more confidence in myself and for the first time in a long time, I believe I am worth the effort.
 

Manzy

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#15
I didn't see this thread until now and you know I am all for what ever you decide to get yourself through :littleheart: I have my moments when I get depressed and have not so nice thoughts.. I have a referral on my dresser from my doctor to see a counselor if I wish. The thing with me goes back in childhood and as much as my cousin and aunt tell me I'm strong I don't always feel that way. I feel rejected a lot and I feel like I crave approval I don't know if that's depression but lately I have been feeling better. I try not to dwell on things so much and try and remember maybe other people are going through a lot. The mind is a powerful thing and I do try to find the rainbow within the clouds.. Thank you Aurora for sharing, opening up and group therapy is a wonderful step towards healing.. :iheartyou:
 

Bamber

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#17
I pray you have every success on your journey. I know I have been lucky in my life, not suffering either mentally or physically until fairly recently, when I found myself to be mentally stronger that I expected.

I don't know if it will help you, or anyone else, but I found the fear of something is more of a problem than the thing feared, and knowing and remembering that has helped me to reduce the impact of the fear: it is still there, but lessened by this knowledge.

We all have to cope in our own way, but advice and the experience and support of others can provide signposts along that way.
 

AuroraAngel

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#19
[QUOTE="Manzy, post: 5010075]
[/QUOTE]


:loveit: I agree totally and it makes me think of my favorite song by Disturbed, "The Light." :iheartyou:
 

AuroraAngel

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#20
[video=youtube;_LypjOTTH6E]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LypjOTTH6E[/video]

Like an unsung melody
The truth is waiting there for you to find it
It's not a blight, but a remedy
A clear reminder of how it began

Deep inside your memory
Turned away as you struggled to find it
You heard the call as you walked away
A voice of calm from within the silence
And for what seemed an eternity
You're waiting, hoping it would call out again

You heard the shadow reckoning
Then your fears seemed to keep you blinded
You held your guard as you walked away


When you think all is forsaken
Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light


An unforgivable tragedy
The answer isn't' where you think you'd find it
Prepare yourself for the reckoning
For when your world seems to crumble again

Don't be afraid, don't turn away
You're the one who can redefine it
Don't let hope become a memory
Let the shadow permeate your mind and
Reveal the thoughts that were tucked away
So that the door can be opened again

Within your darkest memories
Lies the answer if you dare to find it
Don't let hope become a memory


When you think all is forsaken
Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light


Sickening, weakening
Don't let another somber pariah consume your soul

You need strengthening, toughening
It takes an inner dark to rekindle the fire burning in you

Ignite the fire within you


When you think all is forsaken
Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light


Don't ignore, listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness
Can show you the light




Songwriters
DAN DONEGAN, DAVID DRAIMAN, KEVIN CHURKO, MIKE WENGREN
Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., CADIUM MUSIC PUBLISHING