Scottish Jokes

brilor

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#61
My grandfather was a Scottish Jew.

He went to Auschwitz just for the free shower.

 

brilor

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#63
What does an Englishwoman say the morning after a one-night stand?
"Adrian, Darling, you were wonderful."

What does a Frenchwoman say the morning after a one-night stand?
"Jacques, mon amour, tu étais fantastique."

What does a German woman say the morning after a one-night stand?
"Hans, mein Lieber, du warst wunderbar."

What does a Scotswoman say the morning after a one-night stand?
"Fuck me, Jock. Is all this furniture yours?"


 

brilor

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#65
[QUOTE="konifur, post: 4770158]:clap: About time you took the piss out the Jocks .:rofl:[/QUOTE]


Prefer taking the piss out of Mackems!:tea:
 

brilor

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#67
I'm having to fork out £24.99 for pay-per-view to watch the Highland Games all next month.


Fucking Skye Sports.


 

tasman

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#68
Why do they call it a kilt? That's what happened to the last guy who called it a skirt.
 

brilor

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#69
A passenger jet bound for Spain made an emergency evacuation this morning on the runway at Glasgow Airport.

Four people have been taken to hospital and thirteen treated at the scene for shock.

It's thought the panic started when the pilot announced there would be no bar service on the flight.


 

konifur

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#77
This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada.


After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.


After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.


He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?"


The barman says, "It's a Moose."


The Scottish chap says, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"
 

konifur

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#80
[video=youtube;HxMt8YqK0VQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxMt8YqK0VQ[/video]