short but sweet ...

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
What do a coffin and a condom have in common? They're both filled with stiffs, but you come in one, and go in the other!
 

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied:

"Mr. Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct
his eyesight."
 

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
An attorney I know once drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death. When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office. "Now," he said to them, "which one of you wants to go first?"
 

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
There are reports of a new problem in Australia. Some of the Kangaroos have developed a thirst for revenge against the traffic that keeps knocking them down. Drivers have reported that they'll pass a herd of roos that are hopping along peacefully, but as soon as they've passed them, the roos suddenly change direction and veer towards the vehicle. The driver then has to drive as quickly as possible to escape the rampaging marsupials. Drivers are being urged to keep an eye on their veer-roo mirror at all times.
 

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
A man is standing outside the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter approaches and says "Can I help you?"
The man replies "No thanks." He continues to stand on the clouds.
"Are you sure I can't help you?" says Saint Peter.
"No. That's fine," says the man.
Several minutes pass before Saint Peter approaches the man again. "Look," he says, "You do realize that if you're here, you're dead -- right?"
"Oh I realize that," replies the man.
"You realize that," Saint Peter repeats.
The man points down through the clouds. "I'm just waiting for the Medics down there to realize that!."
 

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
Garbage is a collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mom assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself.
 

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
After our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned out he was a high school classmate of my husband's, a man named Love. He said to ask for him the next time we had any problems. The following year, when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love. I took the day off from my job to be there. After he finished repairing our air conditioner, he left his work order behind. On it was written my name and the scheduling instructions: "Wants Love in afternoon."
 

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
I think that someone must have surveillance equipment set up in my living room, because every once in a while, someone on the TV will tell me what channel I'm watching. That really freaks me out, you know?
 

druid627

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2006
Messages
14,665
Likes
49
While Captain Cook was sailing the South Pacific, he discovered an island that had a fabulous house of ill repute. The women were out of this world, the hospitality incredible, and the prices amazingly cheap. After many enjoyable visits, he told all his brothers and cousins about the place, and they went there by the boatloads. Soon they had trashed the place with their drunken brawls, terrorized the women, who all ran away, and the house shut down. It just goes to show you: Too many Cooks spoil the brothel.