After suffering depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.
But strangely enough, once she killed herself.
I started to feel a whole lot better.
So I thought, fuck it, I'll soldier on.
Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey. As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Hey mate, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.. Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer. Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'
Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.
I saw my mate Andy this morning, he's only got 1 arm, bless him.. I shouted, "Where you off to Andy?" He said "I'm going to change a light bulb" I laughed my f****** head off, and said,
"That's gonna be a bit awkward ain't it?".. "Not really " he said,
"I've still got the f****** receipt, you spiteful c**t.