Sick Jokes

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What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?

The first couple of times you cough it is not your phlegm.

 

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Why did God invent yeast infection?

So woman would know what it feels like to live with an annoying c**t.

 

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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
Momentum
(This is a Di joke I hadn't heard...)

 

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This cancer is so easy to beat, I'm already on stage 4

 

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A bestialist, a sadist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a masochist are sat in the dayroom of Broadmoor Hospital;
The bestialist says "Let's catch a cat and rape it!"
The sadist says "Then we'll torture it!"
The murderer says "Then we'll kill it!"
The necrophiliac says "Then we'll fuck it again!"
The pyromaniac adds "Then we'll set it on fire!"
There's a moment of silence and they all turn to look at the masochist, he replies "Miaow?"

 

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Filming starts today with none other than Robert De Niro on the life story of the ruthless mass murderer that was Dr Harold Shipman,filming in and around Hyde,Ashton & Duckinfield over the next few weeks.
Although the film hasn't got an official name the working title is The Old Dear Hunter.....

 

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When my kids were little I used to tell them Santa Clause was black, that way when they found out he doesn’t exist...They wouldn’t be disappointed!

 

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Maybe that should of been in the racist thread but arhhh fuck it

 

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I went to see a faith healer last night and he was so shit a guy in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

 

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R.I.P Mr Shdnevavgoronfkingerrycopta.

 

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That`s "Nǐ zhàn zài wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn"

 

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F.A.S.T

F, Face... Is it drooping on one side
A, Arms... Can the lift them
S, Speech... Is it slurs
T, Time... Time to act... The Rohypnol is wearing off.

 

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