Sick Jokes

brilor

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What's blue and doesn't fit? A dead epileptic
What's blue and fucks grannies? Hypothermia
What's black and-crispy and comes on a stock? Joan of Arc.
What's black, pink and hairy and sits on a, wall? Humpty Cunt
What's brown and has holes in it? Swiss shit!
What's brown and sounds like a doorbell? Dung.
What's green and red and does 1000 rpm? A frog In a blender.
What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhoea.
 

brilor

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Why does Helen Keller have yellow legs? Her dog was blind, too.
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand? So she can moan with the other
 

brilor

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What do you call a man with his dick in a biscuit tin? Fucking crackers
What do you call a man with his dick in a chip pan? A fat fucker.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? A. Full up.
 

brilor

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An old woman stopped me in the street and asked me to show her how to get to the hospital. So I pushed her under a bus.
 

brilor

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If you have a homeless relative and you win the lottery and you don't give them the box from your new 62 inch TV then you're an arsehole.
 

brilor

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If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive then you should try swimming with sharks. Cost me a bloody arm and a leg.
 

brilor

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A postman died on his rounds after collapsing in the extreme heat.

Reports say he might have survived but the First Aider who found him unconscious, left a card saying 'Sorry you were out'.
 

konifur

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Dear Deirdre,
I keep having sexual fantasies about a girl I met when I was at school, even though I'm a happily married man Am I a bad husband? Or just a bad teacher?
 

brilor

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"I can't handle it any more," I said to the doctor. "It's been five years since the accident and my wife still won't have sex with me. She's cold and indifferent and, no matter what I try, she just says she's too tired and goes to sleep. What should I do?" "Well," said the doctor." The first thing you could try is to stop referring to your son as 'the accident!'