St. Patrick's Day Jokes

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
Paddy pulls alongside a lorry and shouts, "Oi, driver! You're losing your load!" Driver replies, "Fuck off!" 5 miles further along, Paddy again shouts, "Oi, you're losing your load!" Driver again replies, "Fuck off!" 5 miles further along, Paddy yells, "I'm not joking! Honestly, you are losing your load!" Driver then shouts, "Will you go away you thick cunt, I'm gritting!"
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
Teacher said " children, put your hand up if you can say a ryhmne with the word PISTOL in it". Little girl put her hand up, she said, my dad is a policeman, he wears a suit of blue, he always carries a truncheon and sometimes a pistol too. Very good said the teacher. Paddy puts his hands up, go on then Paddy says the teacher. He says, My dad is no policeman, he wears no suit of blue, he draws his dole at 9 oclock and hes on the fuckin piss till two.
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the travelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
Paddy says to murphy "lend me a £5 "
murphy......... "ill lend you a £5 when your on your own "
Paddy........... " i am on my own "
murphy......... " no your not ! .....im bloody with ya !!! "
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
"Mr. O'Brien," asked the druggist, "Did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"

"It did surely," replied O'Brien, "but it keeps fallin' off!"
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?"

"No," said her husband, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
An Irish girl said to a shopkeeper: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"

The Shopkeeper replied: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room, lass."
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
Paddy says to mick, he's just burgled a gallery and one picture is worth £195000!

Mick says you idiot thats just an estate agents window display!
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
Paddy caught his son doing in a massive bag of coke in his room, he says “if I catch you doing that again, I’ll rub your fucking nose in it”
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
200,036
Likes
28,777
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.
At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place..'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.
Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

THERE'S MORE. ...

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other..
'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.
He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.
Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.
Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone
in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

IT IS NOT OVER YET....

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken.
Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting.... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'