Suicide

squirt

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#1
I've thought a long time about doing this thread, not sure if I wanted to bring to light my personal experiences with suicide, it seems like such a taboo subject?
which is why I decided to go ahead and do it, to shed some light on a subject that's hit too close to home on more than one occasion
if reading what goes on in here stops one person from turning thinking about it to an actual attempt, then it will have served a good purpose!
why is there such shame associated with it?
Debbie tried to take her own life, twice
the first time was when my mother left, I was only 3 so she had to be 4, how does a 4 year old even get the idea to take her own life?
the second time was when she was recovering from the first amputation, she swallowed all of her pain pills in an attempt to escape her pain
she wanted me to know because she wanted to promise me that she'd never try it again
she ended up almost comatose, unable to move or speak but fully aware of what was going on around her, it scared her, that she might be that way for the rest of her life!
that's the thing about attempting suicide, it's not so much if you succeed ... yes, you'll be missed, your loved ones will mourn your loss and miss you every day and wonder why you didn't love them enough to fight to live? and why you felt like you couldn't tell them what was wrong and give them the chance to help you!
but what if you fail? what if you jump off a building and live? what if, in the last second, instinct kicks in and your hand pulls back on the trigger of the gun and you wind up unable to feed or clothe yourself, dependent on those who love you, if you're lucky, to take care of you for the rest of your life (and theirs) ?
recently someone else in my life tried to kill themselves, someone who is beautiful inside and out, someone who has a very long and amazing life still ahead of them (I hope)
for the life of me, I can't imagine not wanting to take another breath?
is suicide cowardice? is it really the last possible answer?
 

Bamber

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#2
Serious subject.

I think I'd have to say it's different for each person. I can't see myself ever contemplating suicide, but who knows until they actually get to that point of desperation?

As to whether suicide is cowardice, that depends on your point of view too. I know of people who have committed suicide whose death was not only a relief for them but also those close to them, and others who caused much grief to their loved ones by taking their own life.

This is a complex subject, and generalisations just ain't going to explain it; it's different in every case.
 

Tsalagi

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#3
What is suicide?
How about refusing horrible chemo and/or radiation treatments for cancer?
At my age I might just say, "Take me home and give me good drugs until I'm gone."

T
 

Goodgrief

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#4
So right, Phil. I lost two teenage friends to suicide. They were physically healthy and seemed to have a good life. Bullying? Heart-break? No one will ever know.

I would understand if someone who had a painful, terminal disease, wanted to end it early. That is a big debate here; the right to have assisted termination.

In some cultures, suicide was considered an act of atonement for failure. It took courage to do so.

But when someone commits suicide for no apparent reason, then the question should be asked about the person's mental health.

I would not call it cowardice unless the person committed a crime and offed himself to avoid due punishment, as we witness too often on shooting sprees.


 

stevent222

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#5
The first suicide that happened to me was my grandfather on my mothers side. He was very ill and bed ridden. He lived a long good life, I remember him retiring which almost killed him then cause he was used to working. Moved to AZ. and got a job at a ranch taking people for horse back ridding on trails. He wrote a long letter I am told and mentioned everyone he knew. He put a .45 into his mouth.

My Uncle Rex (grandpa's son) did the same thing about 15 or 20 years later, for I do not know why.

My other Uncle Doug my fathers older brother comment suicide about 8 years after he raped his granddaughter of 11 years old. At least on this one I can see why he did.

And I thought about it and knew it was wrong and checked myself into a hospital in Palm Springs, Ca. Because my third wife Nancy had just died from what I learned later from an overdose of prescription medications. She was epileptic and had grand maul seizures and took a lot of meds. The police had found a note addressed to me saying she loved me. So they took that as a suicide note. When they showed that to me I started crying and couldn't stop and when I could speak told them she wrote that to me a couple weeks ago. The cause of death is overdose from alcohol & prescription drugs. Today we still really don't know if it was intentional (suicide) or she just plan forgot and took more. I wasn't there that night and just can't get it out of my head that if I were that would not have happened. One week later I checked in to that hospt. for 30 days that is how long they can hold you even though you volunteered and then recommented myself for another 30 days. (I had my own health inc. at that time). Yes they did help cause I was just thinking about it and not had made any plans on doing it



Personally I think an attempted suicide is a cry for help. A botched suicide was the person just being stupid and didn't think it through.
The people that do it and the people that think it was for no reason are wrong, because apparently the person had good reasons.
 

konifur

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#6
It`s how a person does it.To many do it by jumping in front of trains.I have seen many train drivers need therapy and some have lost their careers because of this .
 

01Aladdin

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#7
[QUOTE="konifur, post: 4525739]It`s how a person does it.To many do it by jumping in front of trains.I have seen many train drivers need therapy and some have lost their careers because of this .[/QUOTE]

The canadian chick i dated what took me for a train ride of sorts recounted a story of this... she worked for the police department (i forget her job) but she dealt with cops who'd had to face these kinds of incidents. The story she told still haunts me. The cop sent to investigate a jumper climbed under the train to find both halves of the man... the top half was still very much alive and holding himself up with his arms. The jumper just looked and blinked at the cop, obviously unable to talk, and eventually died in front of him. The policeman went kinda nutty and was basically retired over the incident.
 

konifur

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#8
The worst one i read about in the railnews ( a monthly magazine for railway personnel only) back in the 80`s .A driver was coming from Edinburgh when a woman jumped from a bridge and he hit her at 125 mph and she went through the front window of his loco on the second-man side luckily the train was driver only and there was no second man in the cab with him..
At that time he had the largest compensation claim in railway history but never drove again.
 

01Aladdin

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#9
[QUOTE="squirt, post: 4525720]I've thought a long time about doing this thread, not sure if I wanted to bring to light my personal experiences with suicide, it seems like such a taboo subject?
which is why I decided to go ahead and do it, to shed some light on a subject that's hit too close to home on more than one occasion
if reading what goes on in here stops one person from turning thinking about it to an actual attempt, then it will have served a good purpose!
why is there such shame associated with it?
Debbie tried to take her own life, twice
the first time was when my mother left, I was only 3 so she had to be 4, how does a 4 year old even get the idea to take her own life?
the second time was when she was recovering from the first amputation, she swallowed all of her pain pills in an attempt to escape her pain
she wanted me to know because she wanted to promise me that she'd never try it again
she ended up almost comatose, unable to move or speak but fully aware of what was going on around her, it scared her, that she might be that way for the rest of her life!
that's the thing about attempting suicide, it's not so much if you succeed ... yes, you'll be missed, your loved ones will mourn your loss and miss you every day and wonder why you didn't love them enough to fight to live? and why you felt like you couldn't tell them what was wrong and give them the chance to help you!
but what if you fail? what if you jump off a building and live? what if, in the last second, instinct kicks in and your hand pulls back on the trigger of the gun and you wind up unable to feed or clothe yourself, dependent on those who love you, if you're lucky, to take care of you for the rest of your life (and theirs) ?
recently someone else in my life tried to kill themselves, someone who is beautiful inside and out, someone who has a very long and amazing life still ahead of them (I hope)
for the life of me, I can't imagine not wanting to take another breath?
is suicide cowardice? is it really the last possible answer?
[/QUOTE]

Not sure suicide is something people really think on the consequences of... I've been there, done that - for me i just wanted the pain to stopppppppppppp.

I moved here to Narooma some 8 and half years ago to recover from my crash. It wasn't long before i met someone... Despite my obvious problems there was a connection i can't even begin to explain. I stepped out of my car that day, and looked right into her eyes. It must have been 30 seconds before we could look away. 3 days later i kissed her (i swear i was not in control, i was leaving her shop, turned on my heels n snogged her - it was weird and amazing). a week later we were sleeping together, a month or so more she had moved in.
3 months or so later something was wrong... eventually i followed her to find her in the arms of someone else. That man turned out to be her husband. Not only was i absolutely crushed, but overwhelmed by guilt - i was the bad guy in this!! I threw her out, and basically fell into a big heap. Add the emotional pain to the accident damage pain, then financial troubles coz the stupid lawyer couldnt get his act together regarding my insurance settlement... i hit the bottle. Hard. 3 shots of gin for breakfast! Life was fukked, the booze made it fukkterer. Finally, it reached that point "i just want the pain to stop". I gobbled down pain meds n booze until i passed out. Had i fallen and laid on my back, we'd not be reading this... but i landed on my face, threw most of the shit back up. I woke in a puddle of filth feeling quite ashamed and after that i got professional help. Over here, such things are free.

Bottom line is, i was serious. I just wanted the pain gone, and could see no other way. When you're that depressed and messed up, you cannot sleep much, and then your mind plays terrible tricks - specially when pickled.

So for me it is so hard to judge a person who's done themselves in. Something in their life must have hurt too much to bear, and frankly, when you feel like that you do not believe anyone is listening or cares - that's just how it is, you don't believe it. The circle gets more n more vicious until you either face it and escape with help, or you jump.
 

TwiztedAngel

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#10
I have never known anyone whom has offed themselves, but I can understand why some people just feel like everything is absolutely hopeless. Having been constantly bullied by other children as well as my adoptive mother when I was growing up, I often contemplated the idea of suicide. The physical pains were often accompanied by mental pains as well. Even after being placed in foster care (because of the abuse from my adoptive mother), I had felt like I had nothing to live for.
I would get even more depressed after waking up in the morning after swallowing whole bottles of medicine the evening before. Therapy did not help, because I never told the counselor about it. At the time, I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. The only way I could feel better was to use booze and illegal drugs in order so that I could feel nothing.
Eventually, I gave up on the notion of suicide, and faced my problems with a vengeance. I developed a relationship with God that helped me through many tough times. After that, many bullies that thought it would be cool to harm me would end up dead a few weeks to a few months after I was attacked. To this day, my faith in God gets me through tougher times than I faced as a teen.
I just wish more people could realize there is a better way, even tho I refuse to be one of those assholes that shoves religion down the throats of others.
 

squirt

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#11
I cannot even imagine waking up every day, and for just a split second, thinking everything's ok, then go to get out of bed and fall because I've forgotten that they took part of my leg, I didn't blame Deb for wanting to escape that, I blamed myself because she was enduring it out of her love for her family (me)
it was a nightmare she couldn't wake up from and I can easily see where going to sleep for good seemed like a good idea!
 

Manzy

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#12
It's been one year this month since my girlfriends nephew committed suicide at the age of 19. He was raised by his grandparents along with his brother, he started hanging around the wrong people, doing drugs and staying out. Then one Sunday he had been out partying all weekend not to the extent of oblivious but enough to have a buzz.

After that all we know is he got on Twitter and Facebook and wrote SSN I didn't know what it meant then but I do now (Suicide Sounds Nice) he took off his belt went into his closet and hung himself, his brother found him and it was at his grandfathers house where he lived and his grandfather was home at the time.

His friends were devastated, his family in shock and crushed, they left messages and notes on his social media, pictures were posted and a candle light vigil was set up by the bay here in WA I went to the funeral and could only shake my head and cry and wonder if he knew just HOW MUCH he was loved. Maybe he didn't know, maybe it just went to far.

He went to the cancer walk with all of us in honor of his grandmother who passed away, maybe he missed her that much, he is buried next to his dad now and his grandmother nearby. To this day there are still unanswered questions that may never be answered. To get to the point of that desperation is something only the individual can understand, we are left with ALOT of What if's and Whys. Someone so young with so much life and love to give is one of life's greatest sadness' RIP Brent :littleheart:
 

TwiztedAngel

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#13
Each story is different, but it all boils down to pain, desperation, or both. If you have never been at that point, it is only understandable that you have no clue why a person would consider the option.
 

Manzy

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#14
Very true Angel, yet those left behind long for an answer, to perhaps get closure or knowledge to help others, unfortunately we often never get them
 
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#15
This is a heavy subject. Every time I hear of someone committing suicide and no one can figure out why, I think of these lyrics from Phil Collins.

"The hurt doesn't show but the pain still grows, no stranger to you and me"
 

squirt

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#16
the family member who recently attempted suicide, I think, wasn't really out to end her life, I think she wanted to make those around her sorry for the way she'd perceived that they'd been treating her, I can remember having that thought, "I'll show them! they'll be sorry when I'm gone!" but I was able to dismiss it quickly because I did know how much I was loved and I realized that it wouldn't be fair to my sisters, leaving them behind like that

it is the not knowing that drives a person crazy, if something could have been done, if there were signs they should have seen?
but nobody was home with Deb the day she decided she couldn't go on like she was any longer and I've often thought of the pain she would have missed had she succeeded
but because she didn't succeed, I got to see her walk on the last Christmas she was on this earth, and that's something I'll get to hold in my heart for the rest of my life, instead of a memory of how she was suffering so much, she took her own life
 

Goodgrief

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#17
Nowadays, there are so many ways to ask for free help. There are "Help Lines Teen-Children-Adult-Senior" on the phone. They are free. They cover every situation. But only a few use them.

When my mother passed away. I had to deal with everything by myself, 3,400 miles away from my home. My husband was right smack in the middle of a start-up and couldn't join me. That was definitely not a problem. Both of us are very strong.

Mom died the day after I got there. No tears. Funeral... I read the prayer, no tears. Emptying her apartment, going through all her things, no tears. Finalized all the paperwork, no tears. I started wondering if there was something wrong with me.

When I got back home, I picked up the phone and called one of the help lines. The man I talked to was very understanding. I explained to him how I felt about my mother's passing being a deliverance from pain. I told him about the great times mom and I had in the past. I asked him why I couldn't cry.
His answer hit me like a ton of bricks! He said: "She hasn't left you."

He was right. She is still with me.

I brought up this incident to remind people of the help that is out there. It should be more publicized.


 

01Aladdin

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#19
Saying "talk to someone" isn't enough.

It is up to friends/relatives to notice when someone is falling into that dark hole and go to them and ask "Are you ok"? There's an "r u ok day" or something like that here, dunno if its international.

When i was in the hole, no one asked if i was ok - i might have opened up. Depressed people rarely seek someone out to talk to. It is up to those closest who see changes to open the depressed person up coz talking CAN help. Might not, but if we dont try, we will likely regret if we suspected there were problems.
 

TwiztedAngel

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#20
It aint international, and most people really could not care less about one another no matter how much we are supposed to "love thy neighbor".