the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

Crudebug

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sometimes! lol and that's a good thing for prplflwr! lol :lookaroun [/COLOR]
lol.. that ur opinion or hers?
 

squirt

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I was there, does that count? lol they had to do an emergency C section the first time and just scheduled one the second time lol
 

squirt

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An Eskimo is fishing on the Polar ice pack. After 18 hours his ass is numb, so he packs up his catch and heads back to the igloo. He hangs up his sealskin coat, and sits down to his seal steak when his wife says:

"Ingit"

"What?", he says without changing his expression.

"I've got some news for you."

"What?", he says through clenched teeth.

"Your mother-in-law's slipped on the ice, and broken her hip."

Again his expression doesn't change, he picks up a frozen herring, reaches across the table, and smacks his wife on the side of her head with it.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" she said, aghast, picking herself up off the floor.

"I've told you before, don't make me laugh when I've got chapped lips!"
 

Crudebug

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Two blokes talking in a bar …
Bob : "I can't really remember the last time I did something really, really enjoyable."
Phil: "I can."
Bob : "Oh yeah? When was that?"
Phil: "Last night when I kissed my mother-in-law goodnight."
Bob : "Fucking hell! What's so enjoyable about that?!?"
Phil: "I had a cigarette in my mouth at the time."
 

Crudebug

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A wife complains, "Our wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband mumbles, "Damn clock always was slow."
 

brilor

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Mr. Jones is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family.
Mr. Jones is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to receive 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal family doesn't want to appear hostile to foreigners, they grant the guests in their country a wish beforehand, as long as it is able to be fulfilled.
Mrs. Jones is first.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
Mrs. Jones has the pillow bound to her rear end and receives her punishment. But because the pillow is too small and the executioner also hits her back a couple of times, she receives a few blows.
Next it is Mr. Jones' mother-in-law's turn.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I would like a pillow bound on my rear end and a pillow bound on my back before the lashings."
"Okay, that shall be granted to you."
The mother-in-law receives her fifty lashes, but hardly feels the pain through the pillows.
Then comes Mr. Jones himself.
"What do you wish for yourself?"
"I have two wishes. Do you want to fulfill them for me?"
"Because you are a guest in our country, we want to fulfill your wishes for you, as long as they are reasonable."
"I would like 100 lashes instead of 50."
The executioner is surprised, but recovers again right away and replies, "Yes, that is a pious wish, it shall be granted to you. And what is your second wish?"
"I would like to have my mother-in-law bound to my back."
 

KingHomie

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Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?

A: Sir, we were able to save her!

I really DO have a soft spot for my MIL. It's out in the garden behind the garage.


I was out shopping the other day after a conference, when I saw six women beating my MIL up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".
 

KingHomie

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A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing; and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" " My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing," he said.
 

Istvan

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I stopped buying my mother-in-law xmas presents, I bought her a chair last year and she still hasn't plugged it in