Todays Blonde Joke......

squirt

Administrator
Joined
May 5, 2004
Messages
791,485
Likes
55,546
:likelaugh:
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
197,664
Likes
25,863
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you only wearing your gun, hat and boots?"
The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her ... so I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts..so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy... "
"...And, here I am."
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
197,664
Likes
25,863
My blonde wife and I got into an argument because I accused her of being stupid.
Eventually she jumped up out of her chair and yelled, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't walk out that door!"
I replied, "The plane hasn't landed yet."
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
197,664
Likes
25,863
During the service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for prayers, which had been answered.
A lady stood up and came forward.
She said, ‘I have a reason to thank the Lord.’
‘Two months ago, my husband, John, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.’
‘The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.’
You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor John experienced.
She continued, ‘John was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain.’
‘We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation.’
‘They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of John's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.’
Again, the men in the Congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on John.
She continued, ‘Now, John is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely.’
All the men sighed with relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.
A man rose and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, ‘I'm John and I would like to tell my beautiful blonde wife, the word is 'sternum'.
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
197,664
Likes
25,863
Retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply. "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price," said the older man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there."
"And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model." The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water. "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.
Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man. "There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price...." "See you later, Dad, Happy Father's day"

Blondes have their uses
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
197,664
Likes
25,863
The Sailor And The Blonde
A Sailor met a good looking blonde at the bar and was trying to get laid without much success.
"I don't date servicemen," she said, "but I am curious as to why you sailors have those two rows of buttons on your pants."
"Why, that's because we have two 'members'," the sailor replied.
"Interesting, probably twice as much fun," replied the blonde, "let's go to my place and try them out."
So they did, and after the first time the blonde says "Boy that was sure nice, now that I'm rested and still in the mood, I want the other one."
Whereupon the sailor undid the other side of buttons, pulled out a tired, weary one, looked at it and sadly declared - "Well, I'll be dammmnnned! He's pouting because he wasn't FIRST!"
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
197,664
Likes
25,863
Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first fisherman."Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second fisherman, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line."Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want."And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb Fish Cop," the fisherman, said to the other two.
"Doesn't he know that there are Steelhead trout in this river?!"

 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
197,664
Likes
25,863
An blond went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots.
The owner replied, "Sorry, I don't have any at the moment."
"Dammmnnn and blast!" said the blonde, "I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot explained the Blond.
"Well" said the owner, "if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I'll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed,"
"Dammmmnnnn and blast!" said the blonde, "I can't come on that day or for some time after."
"Why not?" Asked the owner.
"Because that is the day I'm having my leg amputated!"
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
197,664
Likes
25,863
Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint.
Blonde Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them: "I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind."
"Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."
"You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you're talking to here," she replies with a smile. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So I can't let you onto the ferry. It's more than my job's worth to let you all on."
The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, "I've had enough of you. Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence....!"
"Sorry," responds Tracey, "but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno."
 

sexysadie

Jokeroo VIP Status
Joined
Jul 23, 2004
Messages
65,946
Likes
621
[QUOTE="brilor, post: 5080942]Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint.
Blonde Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them: "I can't let you on the ferry. It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four. One of you will have to get out and stay behind."
"Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."
"You cannot pull that one on me. This is Tracey you're talking to here," she replies with a smile. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. So I can't let you onto the ferry. It's more than my job's worth to let you all on."
The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, "I've had enough of you. Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence....!"
"Sorry," responds Tracey, "but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno."
[/QUOTE]

:funny: at least she's got a new uniform!