Todays Blonde Joke......

squirt

Administrator
Joined
May 5, 2004
Messages
773,602
Likes
34,121
lol ... :loveit:
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]Run Over Blonde[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A woman is lying in the road after being run over.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The driver of the car that knocked her down comes to her aid.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"Are you all right?" he asks.
"You're just a blur," she says, "so my sight is clearly affected."
Concerned, the driver leans over the woman in order to test her eyesight.
"How many fingers have I got up?" he asks her.
"Oh shit!" she replies, "I must be paralyzed from the waist down as well."
[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get sunburned on his "tool of trade".[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Being very determined the young man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So, he decided to put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this should resolve his painful situation.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up.
After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused, went to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his 'thingie' immersed in a glass of milk.
Baffled the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'S how you load those things!"
[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then.
"No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again.
[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]The blond called up the airline and asked:[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"How long are your flights from Los Angeles to Phoenix?"[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The agent answered, "just a minute."
At which, the blonde thanked him and hung up.
[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies.

Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

boxng day.......ur ........good friday .... ur i just know it some friggin bank holiday ,i just can`t remember which one......[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!" [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Ground control received her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam.
I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position."
"I'm 5"2' and sitting in the right front seat."
Ground control: "Repeat after me: Our Father..... who art in Heaven....
[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]A blonde goes into a near by store and asks the clerk if she can buy the T.V. in the corner. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The store clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The next day and asks the same thing, and again he said he doesn't serve blondes. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Frustrated, the blonde goes back home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure the clerk would sell her the T.V. by now, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says she doesn't serve blondes as well.
The blond asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I'm a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her and says, "That's not a T.V.- it's a microwave!
[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,
"I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No. Just up to my chest. I can splash it on my face.
[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The blonde asked,
"How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
After pondering his answer, she asked,
"What happens if there's no one there I know?"

[/FONT]
 

brilor

Jokeroo Legend
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
190,066
Likes
16,173
[FONT=&quot]A blonde stops at a petrol pump but when she gets out she realizes she is locked her keys in the car. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The blonde goes inside and asks the manager for a wire coat hanger so she can try to pop the door. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The manager gives her a hanger and the blonde takes it outside. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Ten minutes later the manager goes out to see how the blonde is doing.
He finds the blonde crouched by the door jiggling the hanger through a crack in the driver's window, while her blonde friend in the passenger seat is saying:
"A little more to the left. A little more to the right.."
[/FONT]