Todays Blonde Joke......

squirt

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:thee: :likelaugh:
 

brilor

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[FONT=&quot]Three blondes died and found themselves at Heaven's gate standing before St.Peter.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to explain to him what Easter represented.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]St. Peter said, "Noooooo!" and he banished her to Hell.
The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo!" and he banished her to Hell.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian celebration that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having a Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... "
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good!"
Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey.
[/FONT]
 

brilor

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Three blonds were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blond said "those are deer tracks".

The second blond said "no, those are elk tracks".
The third blond said "you're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The three blonds were still fucking arguing when the train hit them.
 

brilor

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The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy!
I didn’t know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, ‘what the heck’, so I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, “I have some really great news!”
I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.”
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.
I knew she’d been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great I couldn’t be happier for you!”
Then she said, “There’s more!”I asked, “What do you mean there’s more.”
She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said…. “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!”
 

brilor

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I was in the Post office this morning when I saw a blonde shouting into an envelope.
I said to her, "what are you doing?"
She replied, "sending a voicemail, Duh!"
 

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A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist's couch telling him how frustrated she was since she always failed at everything she seemed to try.
"I've tried to be a secretary and failed," she complained. "I tried to be an actress and failed. Then, I tried sales and I failed at that too."
The doctor thought for a moment and then said, "It is important for everyone to live a full and meaningful life. Have you tried nursing?"
She thought about his suggestion for a second, then opened her blouse and revealed her luscious chest.
Pointing it at the doctor, she said, "OK, I'll give it a try."
 

brilor

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A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost £100, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as one might expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... take it out....." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands .
Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered ..
"Well ... go ahead then."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, ....
and tentatively said ...."Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"
 

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Santa climbs down a chimney and sees a sexy young woman waiting forhim in a skimpy gown. She asks "Santa, can you stay? We could have a good time".
He replies "Ho ho ho, got to go – children waiting in the snow"
She removes her gown and stands in only her black lacy underwear. "Now will you stay?"
Again he says "Ho ho ho..., got to go – children waiting in the snow", but he’s starting to look flustered.
So she whips off her underwear and, naked, presses herself up close to him. "Can you stay now?"

Santa yells "Hey hey hey, got to stay – can't get up the chimney with my cock this way
 

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A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.
Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.
The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer," says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...

"Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.