Todays Blonde Joke......

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The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.
The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see through, and put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get upset about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
 

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A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept. So he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.
Then suddenly she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol, then the blonde leans over to the guy and says, "Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word, "OK."
They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when the blonde stops him and says, "Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell you, I'm on my menstrual cycle."

He says."That's ok, I'll follow you in my Honda."
 

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The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.
The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see through, and put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get upset about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."
awwwwwwwwwwww ... 1hug.gif
 

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Two blondes walk up to a perfume counter.
The first one picks up a sample bottle, sprays it on her wrist, smells it, and says, "That's nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
Tracy says, "Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"
Sharon says, "Viens a moi."
Tracy says, "Viens a moi? What's that mean?"
The store clerk says, "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'Come to me.'"

Sharon takes another sniff and says, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does it smell like come to you?"
 

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A very well-built young blonde was lying on her psychiatrist's couch telling him how frustrated she was since she always failed at everything she seemed to try.
"I've tried to be a secretary and failed," she complained. "I tried to be an actress and failed. Then, I tried sales and I failed at that too."
The doctor thought for a moment and then said, "It is important for everyone to live a full and meaningful life. Have you tried nursing?"
She thought about his suggestion for a second, then opened her blouse and revealed one of her 'twins'.

Pointing it at the doctor, she said, "OK, I'll give it a try."
 

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Suzie meets up with Sandi as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
Suzie asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness" Sandi replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"

"Yeah I was, but he didn't. I was SO relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.
 

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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said,
"I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face.
 

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A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video.
She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some scented candle, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen.
She got so mad and called the video store to complain.
Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."
Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
Blonde: "It's called, Head Cleaner."
 

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To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself.
Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get sunburned on his "tool of trade".
Being very determined the young man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So, he decided to put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this should resolve his painful situation.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up.
After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused, went to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk.

Baffled the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'S how you load those things!"
 

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A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news.
The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump.
"The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then.

"No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again.