1. Your hand always lets you finish first.
2. It's free.
3. Same reason a Chevy is better than a Ferrari: It's all you can get.
4. You call the position.
5. "Premature ejaculation"? hehehe
6. No weird looks when you pull out the peanut butter.
7. Your privates are your best friend.
8. Your girlfriend is just a piece of skin that you have sex with.
9. Gives a single man good reason to wash his socks.
10. Easier to join the "Mile High Club."
11. You get to scream out your own name.
12. Peeing is considered foreplay.
13. Nobody ever says, "Why is it all green and wrinkly?"
14. You'll never have two women, but you'll always have two HANDS!
15. Four words: "Brad Pitt hand puppet."
16. You can do it and play Interactive Top Ten at the same time.
17. Don't have to clean up fur afterwards.