Search results

  1. M

    FOOD Jokes

    I decided against a tofu joke because it was tasteless.
  2. M

    Jury Duty - How did I not end up in trouble?

    When I was in my late 20's I got called Jury Duty and by that age I needed hearing aides. Unfortunately, the ones I got needed to be adjusted so on the second day of the trial I had trouble hearing. The judge had advised us that if we had any problems to let him know. I got his attention and...
  3. M

    How Sex Is Like a Roller Coaster

    You get on with your partner. There is anxious anticipation as you start. You start slowly, climbing your way to the top. There are smiles exchanged, and giggles, maybe even caressing or hand holding. The excitement builds and builds. It nears the top. The expressions on faces become...
  4. M

    Vibrators are Better

    A vibrator doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop "vibrating." Vibrators are never too busy watching the game on TV. Batteries are cheaper than pick-up trucks! When we're done with them we can stuff them back in the drawer and not hear from them until we're ready. It's happy...
  5. M

    Economic Move

    I was right about it being an economical substitute, but I have to say that licking Miracle Whip off my wife just wasn't as sexy as licking Cool Whip off her was.
  6. M


    I was getting along very well with this young lady I met at a cocktail lounge, when she said she had something to show me. She removed her wig and I saw that she was totally bald. "It's alopecia," she said, "but if you still want to hang can ask me anything." I have always...
  7. M

    Why men develop arterial hypertension:

    Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs. Everything on a woman's body parts with a "P". Petticoat, Pants, Panties, Pussy. No wonder why men suffer from high BP!
  8. M

    For What?!?

    I went to my Doctor's the other day for a followup appointment. After checking me over he said "I thought I told you to try and get some exercise the last time you were in." I told him I tried to but I had to stop. He asked me what I tried. I told him I bought a bike and was riding it every...
  9. M

    TRUE (and funny/odd) stories - Please add your own.

    I thought I would share my last weekend with my fellow Roo members...... Friday: I took my wife and kids to the JFK airport to go visit my wife's family so far so good. After I got the to the security gate, I headed home but because of construction I missed a turn and since I was driving my...
  10. M

    Comprehending Engineers

    Comprehending Engineers - Take One To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Comprehending Engineers-Take Two What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil...
  11. M

    The last laugh

    " . . . and to my wife, Greta, who always claimed a headache when I wanted sex, I leave all my aspirins."
  12. M

    Those in favor?

    One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"...
  13. M

    Wanting a drink

    There was this guy who was half Irish, half Scottish. He wanted a drink in the worst way, but he couldn't bring himself to buy one!
  14. M

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from his wife, he was tired of being HEN-pecked!
  15. M

    pissing and moaning

    A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog...
  16. M

    Redhead jokes.....

    Two sailors on shore leave, walking down the street. They spot a beautiful blonde. First sailor asks his friend "Have you ever slept with a blonde?" Second sailor replies that he has. They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette. First Sailor: Have you ever slept with...
  17. M

    Secret of a Happy Marriage

    I had recently asked a friend how he had managed to stay happily married for so long when other couples were fighting or getting divorce. He said it was very simple..... When you are wrong apologize and when you are right apologize FASTER.
  18. M

    The sky was dark

    The sky was dark The moon was high All alone just she and I Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast I...
  19. M

    Relatives -----

    Well as seems is always the case, my two UNCLES have their hands out again :crying:- always wanting my money. But if I ever need any do you think they'd give it a second thought....... Maybe next year :yeah:
  20. M

    Not only OOPS but double OOPS

    Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly, I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the...