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    Three men walk into a bar ..........

    The first thing that the bartender tells them is not to go into the back room, it is forbidden! Naturally, as soon as the bartender leaves, one of then men goes into the room. He sees a really hot, big-breasted woman in there and hundreds of penises all over the walls. She walks up...
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    Speeding.......

    A man gets pulled over by the police for speeding. The cop walks up to the car and says to the driver, “Sir, did you know that you were going 60 miles an hour?" The driver says, "Officer, there is no way I could have been going 60 miles an hour!" The cop says, “Really! Why is that? The driver...
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    First grade ......

    A first grade teacher was looking at her students as they were trying out their desk computers. One boy was staring at the screen, looking dumbstruck and confused. The teacher came and read what was on the screen and in her most reassuring voice said, “The computer wants to know what your name...
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    THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY....but aren't! (Snowfall Edition)

    got over nine inches last night. - Man, that white stuff is covering everything. I can barely see my own car! - I love when it lands on my tongue. - Go on. Lick that pole. I dare ya. - I got so wet playing with it. - Don't rub that in your sister's face! - Dammit! You got it...
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    Three young boys.....

    Three young boys were boasting about their grandpas. The first boy said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer. He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!" The second boy said, "That's nothing. My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning every day, and only comes back at 9:00 pm...
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    Two dwarfs ......

    Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come...
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    Can't wear shorts....

    :peekaboo:
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    There's Two Sides To Every Story!

    DEAR GIRLFRIEND :peekaboo: During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 7 times it...
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    Two Women in Heaven.....

    Two women died and met in heaven… 1st woman: Hi! My name is Sherry. 2nd woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, & finally died a...
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    Hit a stone.....

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    Pinnochio....

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    Best marksmen...

    One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidence of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the...
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    Family vacation in Texas...........

    On a family vacation in Texas, my brother-in-law Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size. "Wow," he exclaimed, "everything is bigger in Texas!" As he lifted the...
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    Memo To Employees.......

    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired...
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    Don't Shake It ......

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    Possibilities.....

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    Paper Or Plastic......

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    Then this month......

    A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June, and left me $10,000." said the friend. "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father...
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    Quack....

    A man walked into a bar with a duck and a biscuit box. He set the duck on top of the biscuit box on the bar and the duck began dancing. The bartender found this rather interesting as did the rest of the customers in the pub. They all came round the duck and watched it for hours, and while...
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    Cow Catcher.....

    Uncle Joe had to get a job. The farm hadn't worked out so well, so this time he tried a local ranch. The rancher took pity on him and decided to give him a chance. "This," he said, showing my uncle a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Uncle Joe, trying to seem...
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