Groaner thread (please add)

stevent222

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I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would
not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.
 

stevent222

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Apr 3, 2006
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now for the best IDIOT SIGHTING of all
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name,she said,
"the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please
remember to pronounce the dash.

STAY ALERT! They walk among us......and they VOTE and have babies.

For all of us who are seniors...
The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as Luvs and Huggies,
while undergarments for old people are called Depends:
When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.
When old people poop in their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!
 

stevent222

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4 YEAR-OLD'S FIRST PAY CHECK

Here's a truly heart-warming story about the bond formed between a little 4-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time. Love the ending!

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more - or - less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a $10 check. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those as$holes at Home Depot ever deliver the fVckin’ drywall..."
 

Bamber

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Jan 7, 2009
Messages
49,139
4 YEAR-OLD'S FIRST PAY CHECK

Here's a truly heart-warming story about the bond formed between a little 4-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time. Love the ending!

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more - or - less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a $10 check. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those as$holes at Home Depot ever deliver the fVckin’ drywall..."
I first heard this 30 years ago with the punch line "I will if the fucking bricks turn up!"
 

jrwwwww

Member
Joined
Sep 4, 2019
Messages
50
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
 

stevent222

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8 year old little Mary and her mother are walking through the mall together one day. "Mommy," says the little Mary, "how old are you?"

"Darling, you should never ask a woman what her age is."

"Why not?" demands the child.

"Well, that is something you will understand one day when you're grown-up."

"Mommy," asks Mary again, "how much do you weigh?"

"Never mind." answers the mother.

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Because grown-ups never talk about how much they weigh. This is something you will learn and understand someday."

"Mommy," insists the child, "can you tell me why you and Daddy got divorced?"

"Darling," responds the mother in exasperation, "that's something still very painful for Mommy, and I really just can't talk about it now."

A few days later, Little Mary recounts this conversation to a friend at school. The friend explains how to overcome these problems...

"All you have to do is get your mother's driver's license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it. You just read it like a report card and it'll give you anything you need.."

So little Mary does as her friend recommended. That night she sneaks into her mother's room while her mom was cooking dinner. She rummages through her purse and finds the drivers license. After examining it carefully she walks up to her mother and says, "I know how old you are! You are 35!"
The mother is very surprised.
"And, I know how much you weigh. You weigh 136 pounds, right?"
The mother is shocked.
"And, I know why you and Daddy got a divorce."

The mother, dumb founded asked, "Why?"

"It's because you got an F in sex."
 

stevent222

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Talk to the Boss.

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"
 

stevent222

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Husband to wife: Today is a fine day.
Next day he says: Today is a fine day.
Again next day, he says same thing: Today is a fine day.
Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband:
Since one week, you are saying this 'Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter?
Husband: Last week when we had an argument, you said,


'I will leave you one fine day.' I was just trying to remind you.
 

stevent222

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One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.

One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises.

He pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam.

So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.

All of a sudden the second boy took off running.





The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally, he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away.

The second boy said to his friend, "My mum told me that if I ever saw a naked lady, I’d turn to stone.”



"I felt something getting hard, so I ran."
 

stevent222

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I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell of the bicycle, the bottle would break.
So, I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
 
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