Groaner thread (please add)

pandora1

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brilor

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I was walking past a pet shop and a sign in the window said; ‘Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale.’
I didn’t believe they were from the Netherlands so I went into the shop and said to the assistant...
”How Dutch is that moggie in the window?”
 

stevent222

Jokeroo Immortal Super *Star* & all around NiceGuy
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THE E-MAIL

Dearest Dad,
I'm coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out. I'm in love with a man who is far away from me.

As you know, I'm in Australia and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook,
and had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber.

My beloved Dad, I'd like your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.

Lots of love and thanks.

Your daughter,
Lilly




THE RESPONSE

My Dear Lilly,

Like wow! Cool!

I suggest that you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all
through PayPal.

And when you get fed up with
your new husband, sell him on eBay.

Love,

Your Dad
 
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pandora1

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A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.

Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elephant Squire had ten sons, but the Hippo Squire was childless. The Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent there eighteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire, but the Hippo Squire drew his sword and single-handedly slaughtered all eighteen of them.

And thus, it was proven once and for all that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.
 

Bamber

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Jan 7, 2009
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Many of Charles Dickens' books were initially serialised so that people could read them by installments. For example, A Tale of Two Cities was first printed in weekly installments in two local, regional newspapers.

It was the Bicester Times and it was the Worcester Times.

For our non-UK members, Bicester is pronounced Bister, Worcester is pronounced Wuster.
 
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