If a person has an affair...

sybarite

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We were out with a group of friends and the subject turned toward affairs. If you have had an affair is it better to come clean with your spouse, or what they don't know wont hurt them?
 

kipper

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Depends on how hard your wife can punch I'd say....
 

muchtrouble10

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It best not to have the affair in the first place! (But, I think I would go the "don't tell" route.)
 

Flynn

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Honesty is the best policy.

I wonder whether some husbands/wives know that their spouse is getting sexual gratifaction on this board.
 

stevent222

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Never had an affair myself so really wouldn't know how to answer this question, I've had three really great marriages, well cepting for the middle one where I wouldn't divorce her made her file the papers. Other two Jesus wanted.
 

Goodgrief

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I wouldn't have one. When I said: "I do" thirty three years ago, I meant it.
 

sybarite

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I have been married for almost 29 years and have never had an affair but, for the people that do, I think telling the spouse would do serious emotional damage, so if you're going to keep your marriage together, suck it up. It might feel good to get it off your chest, but your spouse will always have those "doubtlets" in the back of their mind if you tell. Turn a new leaf and devout yourself to making your marriage work. Why hurt your spouse if your don't have to.
 

Goodgrief

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[QUOTE="sybarite, post: 3865563]I have been married for almost 29 years and have never had an affair but, for the people that do, I think telling the spouse would do serious emotional damage, so if you're going to keep your marriage together, suck it up. It might feel good to get it off your chest, but your spouse will always have those "doubtlets" in the back of their mind if you tell. Turn a new leaf and devout yourself to making your marriage work. Why hurt your spouse if your don't have to.[/QUOTE]

The only reason a sane person would have an affair is because there is no love left in the union. Therefore, officially leave that marriage before starting a new relationship.
 

Vinnie

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I think tha often the affairer (if there is such a word) tells the other party not to help them but to unload the guilt from themselves. They were the guilty party, they should suffer the burden of it laying on their consciousness.
 

Vinnie

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[QUOTE="stevent222, post: 3865326]Never had an affair myself so really wouldn't know how to answer this question, I've had three really great marriages, well cepting for the middle one where I wouldn't divorce her made her file the papers. Other two Jesus wanted. [/QUOTE]
That Jesus is a greedy bugger isn't he!
 

kipper

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[QUOTE="Flynn, post: 3865298]Honesty is the best policy.

I wonder whether some husbands/wives know that their spouse is getting sexual gratifaction on this board.
[/QUOTE]

Well I haven't seen anything on here to whack off to, so I'll bow to your greater experience.
 

kipper

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[QUOTE="Vinnie, post: 3865678]I think tha often the affairer (if there is such a word) tells the other party not to help them but to unload the guilt from themselves. They were the guilty party, they should suffer the burden of it laying on their consciousness.[/QUOTE]


Think philanderer may have been the word you were looking for Vin...
 

kipper

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[QUOTE="Vinnie, post: 3865679]That Jesus is a greedy bugger isn't he![/QUOTE]


He also liked stupid people coz he made a lot of them.
 

kipper

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Who'd want an affair? one woman nagging is enough for me.
 

Vinnie

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[QUOTE="kipper, post: 3865685]Who'd want an affair? one woman nagging is enough for me.[/QUOTE]
You don't have to have one with a woman :heartballoon::sendinglove:
 

Flynn

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[QUOTE="Goodgrief, post: 3865535]I wouldn't have one. When I said: "I do" thirty three years ago, I meant it.[/QUOTE]

I didn't know you were married.
 

kipper

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[QUOTE="Vinnie, post: 3865687]You don't have to have one with a woman :heartballoon::sendinglove:[/QUOTE]


You do if you've got haemorrhoids...:heehee:
 

Crudebug

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[QUOTE="sybarite, post: 3865187]We were out with a group of friends and the subject turned toward affairs. If you have had an affair is it better to come clean with your spouse, or what they don't know wont hurt them?[/QUOTE]
If someone has an affair, it is an act of deceit rooted in either a weak marriage and / or a weak will..
and it will be awfully hard to make a strong case of a confession when built on a foundation of weakness, bound with a cement of guilt and wilting under the cracks (within or without) of shame and hurt by the offender.
Acceptance or forgiveness from the offended one can stem from exasperation, dependence, insecurity, etc and rejection of remorse (often the case) usually ends in sad and bitter consequences for all involved.
Since this is not an issue where transient pleasures lead to lasting joys, it is a downhill journey from the start .. with only a question of damage control.
 

stevent222

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Oh Crap my left hand always knows what my right hand is doing so no need to tell already knows.​
 

Crudebug

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[QUOTE="stevent222, post: 3866404]
Oh Crap my left hand always knows what my right hand is doing so no need to tell already knows.​
[/QUOTE]

sticky palms huh... then,,, Don't confess to Miss Palms that you are laying Lady Fingers...
 
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