Mackem jokes

brilor

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What's the difference between The Grinch and Mackems?

The Grinch only steals things at Christmas.
 

brilor

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In London they queued up from 2am at Harrods for the boxing day sales, while in Manchester it was reported that the queues forrmed up to 12 hours ahead of the shops opening.
Meanwhile in Mackemland queues were up to a mile long for Poundland!
 

konifur

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"Who's been sleeping in my bed?" shouted daddy bear.
"Who's been sleeping in my bead?" shouted mummy bear?"
"Probably a Mackem, "cried baby bear, "because the cunt has nicked my bike. "
 

brilor

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99% of Mackemlandl actually voted to stay in Europe. "It's great like," said one Mackem, "all these foreigners having our jobs!"
 

brilor

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The crime rate is so bad in Mackemland, that last week a bank robber was mugged on the way back to his getaway car!
 

brilor

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ITV+1 So Mackems on benefits don't have to get up so early to watch Jeremy Kyle.
 

brilor

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I hate it when Mackem parents name their kids after shit they can’t afford.
Mercedes
Ruby
Porche
Lecky
Gas
Phone bill
Council tax!
 

brilor

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MACKEMS

If your life is now devoid of meaning now that Jeremy Kyle has been taken off TV you could always spend the time going to the dentist and looking for a job!
 

brilor

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ITV are bringing out a new programme where 4 Jeremy Kyle guests cook pot noodles and frozen pizza for each other. It's called scum dine with me!
 

brilor

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A teacher from Mackemland asked her pupils if they know any collective nouns for groups of animals.

"Please, Miss," says Jenny, "a flock of sheep."

"Well done, Jenny." "Please, Miss," says Tommy, "a herd of cows."

"Well done, Tommy." "Please, Miss," says Mary, "a shoal of fish."

"Well done, Mary." Then wee Jimmy puts his hand up...

"Please, Miss," he says, "what about a dose of crabs?"
 

brilor

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Sad, sad people who are setting off fireworks in the middle of October. One frightened the dog so much she ran and hid under the Christmas Tree.
 
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