To spice up our sex life I proposed role-playing to my wife and she accepted, so yesterday I walked into the bedroom and announced, "Hi, I'm the hunky garden boy. Are you the lady who needs help with her bush?"
She replied, "Actually, I need help with the lawn. Go outside and mow it."
"Go and mow the lawn," she repeated. "You haven't mowed in two weeks, you lazy bum!"
I think we'll need to work harder on the finer points of role-playing, but in the meanwhile I am not going to present myself as the hunky pool-cleaning boy, or the hunky handyman!
We were together with some friends and as normal I told some jokes, one of the ladies that was there turned to my wife and said:
"Your husband knows so many many jokes; Do you know any?"
My wife turned to her an replied "Just one and I married him."
An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral.
Every day after the funeral, the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there.
About two months later, a priest saw the old man out there with his dog and decided to go talk to the old man.
"Hello, there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit your wife's grave, and we just think that's so sweet. We were all wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since you always bring it out here with you."
"No, actually I bring the dog out here to piss on the grave. I'd do it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"
Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.
As I'd hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.
When he saw me, he asked, "Are those potato chips?"
Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older.
The first guy said, "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."
"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.
"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife -- she's healthier than ever!"
"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.
"Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd get these terrible headaches," he answered. "Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."