Men and Women

Kryten

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102,380
Apparently guys who marry Fat chicks are less likely to suffer from
Premature Ejaculation
 

Kryten

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Apr 12, 2004
Messages
102,380
You should never contradict your girlfriend when she's on her period.

Just go with the flow.
 

Kryten

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Messages
102,380
After watching the infamous cafe scene in 'When Harry Met Sally', my girlfriend suggested that we should do something like that. The next time we were in a quiet restaurant she looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and asked, "Harry Met Sally.... Ready?"

I jumped up, grabbed her, bent her over the table and started banging her up the arse. The old woman on the table next to us said, "I'll have what he's having."
 

Kryten

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102,380
I was lying in bed with the wife when I said " I'm a bit concerned about the size of your cunt" " really?" she replied " yes"

I answered " your mum really does need to lose some weight "
 

Kryten

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102,380
told my wife that I was going to start treating her like my car earlier.

"Ah,thats nice,your forever spending your time putting a lot of TLC into it" she smiled.

"Not any more,its failed its M.O.T and Im trading it in for a new one" I replied.
 

Kryten

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I was speaking to the barmaid in
my local yesterday.

"My pregnant wife will be delivering now. She's been at it for 12 hours straight".

"What?!" she screamed. "Your wife has been in labour for 12 straight hours, and you've been sat here all day getting pissed?!"

"What do you take me for?" I replied. "She's not due for another 2 weeks. Why she's simply finishing her 12 hour shift working as a postwoman".
 

Kryten

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Apr 12, 2004
Messages
102,380
Those towels that say, "His and Hers"...

Where can I get some that say, "His and Fuckface?"
 

Kryten

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Joined
Apr 12, 2004
Messages
102,380
My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"

Guess who had to put the batteries in.......
 

Kryten

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Messages
102,380
Male Prostitute Rates For Female Customers:

£50 to talk dirty.

£100 to have sex.

£500 to listen.
 

Kryten

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Apr 12, 2004
Messages
102,380
I always hide my drugs inside my pants.


That way I know my wife will never find them.
 

Kryten

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Apr 12, 2004
Messages
102,380
I'll never forget the day I met my wife. We were at a fancy dress party. She was stood there, looking gorgeous and slim, with her fat mate.

They'd gone together, dressed as the number ten.

I knew there and then, she was the one.
 

Kryten

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Apr 12, 2004
Messages
102,380
My wife complained to me, "20 years and you still can't find my G-Spot."

I said "bollocks". 20 years and you still can't manage to get the car parked up the drive."
 

squirt

Administrator
Joined
May 5, 2004
Messages
806,995
After some great sex, she lies there stroking his prick.

He asks "Do you want more sex?"

"No" she replies, "I’m just admiring your cock... I really miss mine."
 

Kryten

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Messages
102,380
The wife was driving along with our dog on a leash through the drivers window when some cop shouted,"What on earth do you think you're doing?"

"I'm not getting in the car with that bitch." replied my dog.
 

Kryten

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Apr 12, 2004
Messages
102,380
Me and my wife went through a messy divorce and when it was over I'd lost the kids, house and everything. All I was left with was one playing card.

It's been 6 months now and I still haven't managed to deal with it.
 

Kryten

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Apr 12, 2004
Messages
102,380
Its untrue that most women want to get married.


I've asked loads and they've all said no.
 
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