Need help

Davd

Junior Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2004
Messages
9
Ok...So I met this girl and we are both young. She is 14, I am 16. We went out for 8 months. In those 8 months, on 5 different occasions she has cheated on me with 2 guys, 1 guy 2 times, another guy 3 times. It never went to full on sex. But it got close one time. She did that, but at the same time I gave her mixed signals, I ignored her, I didnt really include her in my plans, but we still hung out at least every other day, if not more. But when it came to doing accual activities, she was never with me. It has been over for 3 weeks. But I still feel love towards her, and today she came to my house with flowers and we talked etc...a few days before today she said she didnt want to go out. The next day she said she loved me. The next day she didnt know, now she brings me flowers. She said that she is sorry and she wont cheat anymore, and she wants me to trust her. Its hard because the 2 guys she cheated on me with, are still her friends and they still hang out, plus a majority of her friends are guys (and she did tell me that wile we were going out she did consider leaving me for a different guy she had met) . I just dont know if I can trust her again, and if I can overcome my jealousy that has grown inside me. If I can like her as much as I did before, I dont like to sit back and be cheated on. Its not on my to do list.

I think the hardest part is that I still have feelings for her, and she still has feelings towards me. I just dont know if going into a relationship again is a good idea or not. If we were friends and went from there...thats why im here. Im looking for peoples advice (duh) and to hear from people who have had similar situations as mine. If anyone has ANY help, ill be glad to read it! :turn:
 

Jon Collardgreens

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2004
Messages
6,284
Hey I'm here. You better be careful. She is 14. You could get into legal trouble
if you were to have "S" w/ her. I've been there & done that. Your better off
dumping her. You should put her at arms length. Tell her the same thing. You
just wanna be friends. I was young once. But my cheating situation did not
come until I was in college.this lady didn't tell me the important things about herself.
There was alot that I learned about her when I found more. I've been burned, but
I burned her by gettin rid of her. I have not regretted it. She's not the only one
out there. Your just a pawn in her chess piece. She sounds like a user. If she were
to find another joe, believe me she'd dump ya. Just wait till you graduate from H.S
then the selection of women gets wider. Especially in college. The babes will be
there. Trust me. I think its sad that any H.S girl would have sex before high school
or during. When your young & in school some kids feel as though they have to
prove themselves by doing adult activity. I'm glad I saved myself for the right
person. Was a long wait but worth it. Like you said "its not on your to do list."
So w/that in mind don't set yourself up for more dissappointment.You have your
whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on her. Stick to your schooling & any
trustworthy guy friends you might know & keep a positive attitude. To me you
have 4 more years & you'll be out of high school. Those 4yrs go fast.I remember
my 4 years. They seemed like forever. I can't begin to stress education enough.
I grad't H.S in 82 & gradt'd commun-coll-87 w/Associates degree. I don't have a
bachelor or masters degreee. I've been laid off for 2yrs.I live on a farm. I have family
now-a wife & 1 child. My mom has been supporting us financially & we are on
W.I.C. So Work hard in school & get good grades.Make something of yourself,
so you don't wind up like me.I've worked odd jobs& still do. I plant some crops.
I'm hooked up to alot of job resources on computer.In my county alone 700 jobs
have been lost due to plants closing. Do yourself a favor,get educated & worry about
a realtionship later. Sorry for my lengthy rattling. Good luck to you.
Lookout for yourself,no one else will.
 

Jon Collardgreens

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2004
Messages
6,284
I'm sorry about the minor thing. You probably can't get in legal trouble but

still be careful. Though your both minors. Take care.
 

Davd

Junior Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2004
Messages
9
We are both minors, and well....the legal part isnt really an issue with me. The whole part about, if she found another person to be with she would dump me. It sounds harsh but true. I feel it in a 'vibe' sort of way. Im a Senior next year though, and tomorrow is the last day of my Junior year, So ill be in c.c. in about a year and a half from now. She has 3 years left. But thanks for the advice, ill keep it in mind.
 

caramell

Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2004
Messages
1,378
<font color="pink" size="3"> before i start let me first say that you guys ARE minors and when you say " i love you", theres usually more to it than that. i too am only 16 years old and i know what its like to be in a relationship where you "love" a person. Ive gone past and learned my lesson on that the hard and long way. just remember, you guys have your whole lives ahead of you. don't set your whole life on one person. if you guys want to date, then thats great, but dont deal with the whole relationship cycle until you're both mature enough to handle it. it seems like your girl has some committment problems which is nothing surprising considering the fact that she IS only 14 years old...in other words, just learning about ur own sexuality and womanhood. maybe you should think things out with her before you start to go any further. just the fact that you're even thinking about her in a sexual way (not neccessarily her and u..but the fact that she might with other guys) means that maybe this is going a little too far. yes i will say that ive made mistakes and yes i probably have had the same thoughts as you when it comes to the relationship thing, but the hard truth is, when something like this is so young, is rarely lasts. think about the fact that you'll soon be going to college and shell what...be going into high school? just think about it for a minute...anyway i wish you a lot of luck with ur girl and if you need to talk to neone, you can always pm me :)
 

Davd

Junior Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2004
Messages
9
Yeah....we are young, and placing my entire life around her would be a really bad idea. Ive never done that, and i never would revolve my world around anothers. She just seems so sorry and wanting to try again....time will tell. She even got asked to go out by 2 other guys, and she said no to both of them because she still wants me. That says a little something. 1 of the guys was even 18 years old.
 

caramell

Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2004
Messages
1,378
<font color="pink" size="3">wow...it seems like ur girl is very interested in OLDER guys...um..do u ever wonder y she doesnt go with ppl her own age? i mean not to be rude...but i think she has a little problem when shes chooses whoe she goes out with
 

Davd

Junior Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2004
Messages
9
Well that brings me to one thing Ive always had on my mind. She says she loves me etc...but I have always known she is 14, and it does say something. I just wonder how faithful that statement is, I personally belive she just wants acceptance, and to be given alot of attention, it doesnt really matter from who as long as they are cute. I know her so well, but I dont know her feelings that are deep down, that she doesnt tell me. Her reasons for doing what she does etc...The entire relationship there has been a "threat" of having a different guy in her life durring the relationship. I almost feel as if im just a guy that is there, once im gone thats fine she will find a different one. Doesnt matter who as long as they are cute and give her what she wants. Im still thinking about it all though....
 

Jon Collardgreens

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2004
Messages
6,284
Hi Davd. How are things between you & you girl? I hope good but.

I agreed w/ the things Caramell is saying. That does make me wonder why she's
not interested in people her own age. You have to make your own decisions.
Just saying that if she dumps you,don't let it bother ya. Keep your head on even
when your with her. It is good that she turned down the others to be w/you.
Keep an open mind. We are here if you need us. Good Luck.
 

eclipse_storm

Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2003
Messages
1,360
Your 16, when i was your age yes i had a gf, but we didn't have sex till 18. In my state, i doesn't matter if both are under age, the parents can still file a lawsuit. I would be careful also due to her sleeping around, you may find yourself being blamed for a child that isn't yours. If i were you i would let her do her own thing and sit back and watch her destroy her future. If you keep to your hand for a couple more years, you'll be glad you waited, and you'll be a bit more mature and understand what you can get yourself into.
If you don't take my advice and you do sleep with her or anyone else, use your head and protect yourself. You realy don't want a kid at your age. Trust me, i've been down that scarey rd myself. and at 18 even it's scarey as hell.
 

Davd

Junior Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2004
Messages
9
I have slept with her, back when we were going out. I wasnt her first either, and again..shes 14. For an update though, Friday-Sunday she was apparently on some drugs that make you happy and some pot and some alcohol. She came to my house on Friday to talk, but then by Saterday she didnt remember a thing. I just laughed at that. The whole weekend she was saying she did then didnt then did want to go out. The whole time, I just sat back and laughed. I got over the grieving period and that the relationship is over. After all I broke up with her, it was for the best.

Heres the kicker, once I broke up with her a few days after she met a guy that was 18. They hung around alot etc..etc...and on Monday he kissed her. She kissed back. She said she didnt feel anything for him in that kind of way. So she ran to my house with flowers telling me she loved me. Then the next day she ran to my house again to tell me about the kiss/story

So now I wonder, is it just...It didnt work with the guy who was 18 so now she just comes back around to me? Im her backup or something like that, or did she really realize she still likes me?

Wether she does or doesnt, I dont want her back this time. But I would like to know what you guys think of the situation

:confused:
 

DJ Fester

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2004
Messages
819
Davd said:
I have slept with her, back when we were going out. I wasnt her first either, and again..shes 14. For an update though, Friday-Sunday she was apparently on some drugs that make you happy and some pot and some alcohol. She came to my house on Friday to talk, but then by Saterday she didnt remember a thing. I just laughed at that. The whole weekend she was saying she did then didnt then did want to go out. The whole time, I just sat back and laughed. I got over the grieving period and that the relationship is over. After all I broke up with her, it was for the best.

Heres the kicker, once I broke up with her a few days after she met a guy that was 18. They hung around alot etc..etc...and on Monday he kissed her. She kissed back. She said she didnt feel anything for him in that kind of way. So she ran to my house with flowers telling me she loved me. Then the next day she ran to my house again to tell me about the kiss/story

So now I wonder, is it just...It didnt work with the guy who was 18 so now she just comes back around to me? Im her backup or something like that, or did she really realize she still likes me?

Wether she does or doesnt, I dont want her back this time. But I would like to know what you guys think of the situation

:confused:
If she really loved you, she wouldn't be sleeping around with other guys, and she wouldn't be playing games like that with you.

I think she's just a tease & flirt who wants to play mind games. You're better off without her, 'cause she'll only keep giving you heartaches.

Look around for another girlfriend who will treat you better than that.
 

Davd

Junior Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2004
Messages
9
She never went full on and slept with another guy, only close.
 

mamamea

Junior Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2004
Messages
78
Davd said:
She never went full on and slept with another guy, only close.
ARE YOU SURE OR DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU ARE TOLD?
ENJOY YOUR LIFE WHILE YOU ARE YOUNG , YOU WILL MAKE LOTS OF MISTAKES
AND YOU WILL LEARN BY THEM, I'M 42 AND STILL LEARNING.
GOOD LUCK .
 
Top