One liners, back woods sayings, funny retorts useful in every day speaking

[jrwwwww]

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

 

[jrwwwww]

Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.

 

[jrwwwww]

Don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

 

[jrwwwww]

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

 

[jrwwwww]

Failure has gone to his head.

 

[jrwwwww]

Some men learn by reading. A few learn by observation. The rest have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

 

[jrwwwww]

Never guess a ladies age unless you read it on her tombstone.

 

[jrwwwww]

Personal methane reclamation. A true energy opportunity.

 

[jrwwwww]

It does not matter whether you win or lose, it is how the band plays.

I am a trombonist

 

[jrwwwww]

Kind of like analyzing the dissection of a frog. There is no good way do so, and the frog still dies.

 

[jrwwwww]

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box

 

[jrwwwww]

When elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.

 

[jrwwwww]

"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results."

 

[jrwwwww]

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 

[jrwwwww]

Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the squirrel it could be done!

 

[jrwwwww]

I'm always surprised when a heavily tattooed couple has a baby and it comes out blank.

 

[jrwwwww]

Poop jokes aren't my favorite. But they're a solid number two.

 

[jrwwwww]

“Some Days it just don’t pay to chew off the restraints”

 

[jrwwwww]

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

 

[jrwwwww]

If you cannot be a great example, at least be a terrifying warning.