Can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia .
He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles
to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no
brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the
video – its fucking hilarious.
TWO Pakistani men emigrate to Scotland , and agree to meet two years later to see who has become the most Scottish.
Two years pass.
They meet and the first one says "I have a Scotland football jersey,
I drink Scotch whisky and eat haggis every week, I've joined a pipe
band, I own a Scottie dog, I wear a kilt everywhere, I salmon fish
and I play golf .........
That's how Scottish I am.
How Scottish have you become?"
The second one replies, "AWAY TAE FUCK YA PAKI BASTART!"
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case".
New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA". Due to continuing defence cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
A twin-engine plane has one of its engines fail, altitude and air speed are rapidly decreasing ...The pilot speaks over the intercom. "I'm sorry it had to come to this folks, but unfortunately we're gonna have to jettison baggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne." Baggage is thrown out, but the plane's speed continues to decrease.
> Again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to have to do this, but now we're gonna have to start off-loading passengers. The only fair way to do it is alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter - A". "Africans, any Africans on board?"
> No one answers.
> "Ok then - B".
> "Black people, any black people?"
> Again, silence.
> "C" Colored people, any Colored people on board?"
> A little black boy in the back turns to his mother. "But Mom, ain't we African?, ain't we Black? Ain't we Colored?"
> "Yes son, but for the purpose of this exercise we is Niggers. Let dem Mexicans and Muslims go first."
Pamwa is a young boy from Pakistan. He is severely undernourished, and is a victim of civil war. He only has one leg, no arms and bad eyesight through one eye. He cycles seven miles every day on a bike with no handlebars, and flat tyres, just to collect water so he and his family can survive.
For just £2 a month, we'll send you the DVD's, they're fucking hilarious!
Two friends in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada were sick of winter, so they went to a travel agent and booked a trip to Australia.
When the two friends got off the plane, still wearing their down jackets, wool hats, and snow boots, they wandered into a pub and sat down. The locals wondered about these strangers, so one of the Aussies walked over to the visitors and said, "G'day, mates. Where'er you from?"
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," one of the Canadians replied.
"So where are they from?" the other locals asked.
"Don't know," replied the Aussie. "They don't speak English."
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.
The landlord says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."
A robber walks into a bank and shouts, "Freeze - Give me all your cash!".
A brave customer pulls off the robber's mask and says "I've seen your face now", so the robber shoots him. "Anyone else seen my face?"
Silence for a moment, then someone pipes up, "I think that paki in the corner got a glimpse...!"