A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show
up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a
gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them: I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is
one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or
you're history. Here's your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who
wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and
the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl
and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws
open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead
in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her
ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his
head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a
display like that in my life," He then turns to the young man and
asks, "can you top that?"
The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way."
A DEA police officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old
rancher. From the first second he had a bad attitude about him,
annoyed he had to muddy his clean boots out in the country. He tells
the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”
The rancher says, “Alright, you can search the ranch, but do not go in
that field over there.”
The DEA officer, clearly angry, says, “Mister, I have the authority of
the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket,
he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.
“See this badge? DO you?!? This badge means I am allowed to go
wherever I wish, on any land, no questions asked or answers given.
Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me?!?” He shouts.
The rancher nods quietly, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the
DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa
Gertrudis Bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the
officer, as he runs for all he’s worth.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the
top of his lungs:
Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"