Sick Jokes

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If you want to save money at Xmas, now's the perfect time to tell the kids that Santa didn't make it through the pandemic

 

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I was watching TV the other night and an advert came on with one of those little black African babies covered in flies. I immediately grabbed the phone and called the number on the screen. I had to get one, they seem to work so much better than those sticky strips that hang from the ceiling.

 

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My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because of some people’s remarks on her size. So to cheer her up I’ve bought her chocolate, Flowers, wine and I’ll run her a nice hot sink.

 

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An old couple went into a fast food restaurant and ordered one hamburger, one order of fries and one soft drink with two straws. When they got their order, they walked to a table where the man carefully split the sandwich in half and laid one half in front of the lady and took the other for himself. He then carefully divided the fries the same way. Then, as the lady waited, he started into eating The manager watched this and thought maybe the couple couldn't afford a full meal for both, so they split it instead. He walked over to the couple and said "I couldn't help but notice how you split your meal, would you like a second meal on me?" The lady said "Oh no thank you, at our age, we can't eat an entire meal ourselves, so we share it. You see, we share everything." The manager thought that was a nice gesture, but the lady wasn't eating. He said "Why aren't you eating? Aren't you hungry?" The lady said "Oh yes, I'm quite hungry." The manager said Then why don't you eat? What are you waiting for?" She said "The teeth."

 

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