An Irishman walking along the beach found a bottle lying in the sand. He picked it up, brushed it off, and out popped a genie. “Since you have freed me from this bottle, I will grant you three wishes.”
The Irishman thought a moment and said, “I’m feeling a might thirsty. I think I’ll wish for a pint of stout.” And poof! there was a pint of stout in his hand.
He drank it down and started to toss the bottle away, when the genie said, “Look at that bottle before you throw it away.” He did and watched as it magically refilled itself with stout. “That’s a magic bottle. It will refill itself whenever you empty it. So what are your other wishes?”
The Irishman grinned. “I’ll be taking two more of these!”
A wealthy Irish farmer sends his daughter to a French finishing school. She's there a few months when she sends her father a letter saying : " Dear Father, please send me some money as I've just got engaged to a French Count "
He wrote back : " I'm sending you bugger all until you learn to spell properly