Suicide

01Aladdin

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And there's the biggest part of the problem - too few people care, at all, about anyone but themselves. The handful that really do care about anyone and everyone probably get drained very quickly.

My own family never even knew i'd tried to top myself. I never told them, not one of them ever asked if i was doing ok, ever, even to this day. This is why i say "i have no family", coz while technically i do, they don't give a flying fukk (actually available in Konifurs Supermarket lol, who knew?)

Bottom line is, you don't have to know a person to see they're in pain. What does it hurt to ask them if they're ok?
 

muchtrouble10

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Also, if someone admits they are a "bit depressed" please ask why...giving them a chance to speak their mind. Sometimes, suicidal depression can be prevented if a person talks about things early on. The more depressed a person gets, the more they shut down on sharing.
 

konifur

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Yes Anne went though a stage like that, but she is ok now, as she got professional help.
 

squirt

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Deb wasn't ok, anybody could see that, every day was a struggle just to get through, and we tried to surround her with family and love
she was in constant pain, and I can't say that, in her shoes, I wouldn't have done the same!
 

LilMissPurrfect

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[QUOTE="squirt, post: 4527421]Deb wasn't ok, anybody could see that, every day was a struggle just to get through, and we tried to surround her with family and love
she was in constant pain, and I can't say that, in her shoes, I wouldn't have done the same!
[/QUOTE]

I believe that (just a personal opinion) that if we see a loved one in so much constant pain and we know there is no chance that they will get better that we should respect their choice and know that it is right.. As much as we want to surround them with love and don't want to miss them......we don't want to see them to suffer much longer either.
 

squirt

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there's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I'd done my best to talk her out of the amputation, the procedure that was supposed to save her life was, in the end, highly responsible for ending it, I believe the stress over her recuperation is what caused her heart to stop
 

01Aladdin

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You can't let yourself think like that. Ultimately, we are each responsible for our choices. If the amputation was designed to save her life ultimately, then the choice to live remained strong in her. The pain and suffering caused later can't really be predicted - only guessed at by those facing such a choice and those recommending it.
 

TwiztedAngel

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Sometimes (during healing) a blood clot could break loose and cause heart failure or a stroke. That is part of the risks with any surgical procedure.
 

muchtrouble10

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I agree...It does no good to play the "coulda, shoulda, woulda" game. You were there for her and helped her through the rough spots...that is all one can do!
 

squirt

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if she'd died while recovering from those amputations, I probably could've accepted her death easier, but she'd struggled through and made it to the other side, she had healed, been fitted for a prosthetic, had walked again, and was more like her old self than I'd seen in a long time, and a little over a year later, she was laying in bed asleep with her 11 y/o daughter when her body started having spasms, and then went limp, my niece called her dad into the bedroom and he called 911, she was DOA, they didn't do an autopsy, they believe her heart just gave out!

what we didn't know (until later) was that after the first amputation, they cut her leg off below the knee, it wasn't healing, in fact, it was dying, and her whole system was toxic, she was in hell and this is when she tried to end her life, if she had succeeded, forgiving her would've been a done deal, because I know how hard she fought to live, I tried to put myself in her place, wondering if I could EVER be that strong, SHE fought the tough battles, including 3 "revisions" to her amputation that took it above the knee
 

Goodgrief

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Our society, for ages, has described suicide as cowardice. That, of course, was established by the do-gooders, goody-two-shoes, never-had-an-issue prigs.

Suicide when physically healthy might be called that. The mind obviously isn't strong enough to deal with the harshness of reality.

But suicide because of constant physical pain is another thing.

The pain is uncontrollable. There is nothing to stop it.
Then, comes the overall picture.
The family who is watching the person suffering so much.
The burden of the pain on the family, knowing very well there is no way out.

That is not cowardice. That is deliverance for the afflicted and relief for the family.

The only difference is that the deliverance happens sooner.

We are all mortals. The pain of losing someone close is deep and painful. But as humans, we have to accept the loss because some day, others will mourn us.
 

TwiztedAngel

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I know all about being toxic after my appendix ruptured, and was not taken to the ER for another two weeks after. I got a lovely C-section scar and various divots from where all the tubes were placed to drain all the toxins that were killing me. I guess my foster parents did not realize I was not faking it until they smelled death on me. I had less than 8 hours to live, according to the doctors.
I remember being carted off to the OR and being all drugged up, and praying I would never wake up. I knew I was dying, and did not care. That is not the same thing as committing suicide.
 

Goodgrief

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Suicide comes in many forms.

One of them is forgoing possibly useless attempts at recovery for a most-likely terminal illness.

I should have been more aware of what was going on with my mother. But then again, I will never blame her for doing it.

She called me one day, saying she wanted to sell her house and move to an apartment. I live 3,400 miles away. Fine! I'll get down there and help her move.

She had suffered a stroke 11 years before, managed to keep her home, feed herself, etc. At 81, I believed she needed less stress.

She never told me about her problems, other than the usual complaints about house maintenance and frustration from not being able to do the things she loved to do.

So, off we go, to a beautiful apartment in a seniors' complex! Magnificent view of the city, lounge downstairs, pool, activities galore, got her an electric fireplace and a new TV.
She made friends immediately! That was in November 2008. I went back home. Regular phone calls, all is fine!

March 2009.... Phone call from her housekeeper.... Mom is in the hospital. Phone call from the doctor.... She's terminal.
Flew back there as fast as I could. She passed the day after.

I had a talk with the doctor. He told me she had cancer, she knew about it for quite a while.

All this time, she kept a happy attitude, she didn't want to worry me.

She was 82. I guess she didn't want to go through more pain. I will never blame her, because, if and when I reach this situation, I will do the same.



 

01Aladdin

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I'd always thought suicide was a selfish and cowardly act too - until i had my moment unable to face the pain any more. It's NOT a thing that can be labelled. Those of us left behind cannot understand why the suicide person would want to do that. Only THEY know why, and the only thing we can ask ourselves is - why didn't we see it coming? No one saw my pain because i hid it, and hid myself. Having been there, i can no longer call the act of suicide by any label, and can only wonder "Why did they do that?"
 

Vinnie

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Took me a while to find this:

"if i killed myself tonight, the stars would
still appear, the sun would still come
out, the earth would still rotate, the
seasons would still change...so why not?"


Screw this post.
Screw this post so much.
you want a why not?
How about the way your best friend's older sister will throw up by the side of the road because she's crying so hard?
How about the way your best friend will sob for weeks in the shower, in her bedroom, in the bathroom at school?
How about the way your mother will cry every time she looks at herself in the mirror and pictures herself bringing you home?
How about the way your father's eyes will NEVER stop mirroring the image of your hanging body?
How about the way your boyfriend sits in his room in silence, unable to eat, sleep, or even shower because what's the point to continue without you?
How about the way your sister will wake up every morning and see your door, and convince herself that you could still be there, sleeping in your bed?
How about the way your ex will come over, pull your clothes from the drawers and cry while he holds them to his face to breathe in what's left of you?

Don't you dare tell me it won't change things.
There may be stars in the sky and wind in the air and sun in the clouds, but without you
we don't want them.
Don't you dare be selfish enough to believe you aren't important to us.

So screw this post.
and screw the romanticism of suicide.
and screw you for leaving my sister to cry in her room when she thinks nobody can hear.



 

squirt

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I'm glad, VERY glad that the last memory I have of my sister is of her smiling, walking to me with a twinkle in her eye because she knows how long I waited for that day, instead of her being SO miserable, she couldn't take it any longer!
 

AutumnRain

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Mar 27, 2005
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suicide is something that hits home with me.

2 years ago my home town was hit hard by a wave of suicides... population of just 4000 people yet over 7 of them commited suicide..3 of them were related.

my father attempted suiced twice.. i wish he had succeeded.. both times were due to grief.. first time my mother was leaving him.. second time my mother passed away... both were a cry for help..

a few months later my cousin committed suicide, this shook our massive family.. he was just a young guy.. in his goodbye note he has said it was what he wanted.. that all the talking in the world wouldnt have changed his mind.. that no one was to blame and no one could have forseen it... but to be happy for him as he is no longer living with the torment inside..

just a few weeks ago another cousin took his own life after spiralling downwards after the seperation of his marriage..he was dead for over a week before anyone found him....
 

01Aladdin

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Jun 10, 2012
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[QUOTE="Vinnie, post: 4532510]Took me a while to find this:

"if i killed myself tonight, the stars would
still appear, the sun would still come
out, the earth would still rotate, the
seasons would still change...so why not?"


Screw this post.
Screw this post so much.
you want a why not?
How about the way your best friend's older sister will throw up by the side of the road because she's crying so hard?
How about the way your best friend will sob for weeks in the shower, in her bedroom, in the bathroom at school?
How about the way your mother will cry every time she looks at herself in the mirror and pictures herself bringing you home?
How about the way your father's eyes will NEVER stop mirroring the image of your hanging body?
How about the way your boyfriend sits in his room in silence, unable to eat, sleep, or even shower because what's the point to continue without you?
How about the way your sister will wake up every morning and see your door, and convince herself that you could still be there, sleeping in your bed?
How about the way your ex will come over, pull your clothes from the drawers and cry while he holds them to his face to breathe in what's left of you?

Don't you dare tell me it won't change things.
There may be stars in the sky and wind in the air and sun in the clouds, but without you
we don't want them.
Don't you dare be selfish enough to believe you aren't important to us.

So screw this post.
and screw the romanticism of suicide.
and screw you for leaving my sister to cry in her room when she thinks nobody can hear.



[/QUOTE]


That might well be the most powerful and meaningful thing i've read on suicide and what it really is and does, and the very best description of what happens to those the suicide leaves behind.

Awesome post, int he true sense of the word.
 

01Aladdin

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Jun 10, 2012
Messages
6,973
[QUOTE="AutumnRain, post: 4532877]suicide is something that hits home with me.

2 years ago my home town was hit hard by a wave of suicides... population of just 4000 people yet over 7 of them commited suicide..3 of them were related.

my father attempted suiced twice.. i wish he had succeeded.. both times were due to grief.. first time my mother was leaving him.. second time my mother passed away... both were a cry for help..

a few months later my cousin committed suicide, this shook our massive family.. he was just a young guy.. in his goodbye note he has said it was what he wanted.. that all the talking in the world wouldnt have changed his mind.. that no one was to blame and no one could have forseen it... but to be happy for him as he is no longer living with the torment inside..

just a few weeks ago another cousin took his own life after spiralling downwards after the seperation of his marriage..he was dead for over a week before anyone found him....[/QUOTE]


 

Goodgrief

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Messages
14,136
Love your picture, Aladdin! But nowadays, hugs are only transferred from cell phones.

I only go shopping twice a week, sometimes I have to make special trips to specific stores. It doesn't matter. But I do expect some human interaction other than "Hello, goodbye".

Recently, my local grocery store brought in several new young employees. NONE of them could actually look me in the eye when they greeted me.
Small talk is out of the question. I'm dealing with robots. Are these kids all right? I don't freaking think so!

I'm happy to say that today, I had the pleasure of dealing with an older employee at that store. She was feeling sad about her vacation being ruined by forest fires while camping in the mountains. We talked, I made her laugh, she finally smiled and lightened up.

Yes, a mental hug is just as good as a big bear hug. But, if you don't unlock the door, nobody will ever guess you need one.


 
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