the mother-in-law (feel free to add! ♥)

Crudebug

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My mother-in-law is banned internationally from playing poker, as she keeps all the chips on her shoulder....
 

Crudebug

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This young Dublin fella comes home all excited to tell his ma he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says: "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you just try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees, so the next day he brings along three beautiful and sits them down on the couch and they chat away for a while. He then says: "Right, OK Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did ye know?"
"I don't like her."
 

Crudebug

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She: This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste.
He: Are you describing the wine or your mother?
 

Crudebug

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Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. 'This young man agreed to marry my daughter,' said one.
'No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,' said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. 'Bring me my biggest sword,' said Solomon, 'and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half.'
'Sounds good to me,' said the first lady.
But the other woman said, 'Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him.'
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. 'This man must marry the first lady's daughter,' he proclaimed.
'But she was willing to hew him in two!' exclaimed the king's court.
'Indeed,' said wise King Solomon. 'That shows she is the true mother-in-law.'
 

Crudebug

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When Roger came home, his wife, Norma, was crying. 'Your mother insulted me,' she sobbed.
'My mother?' spluttered Roger, 'How could she do that when she is on holiday on the other side of the world?'
'I know.' Norma gulped, 'But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.'
'And?'
'At the end of the letter it was written: Dear Norma , When you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son, Roger.'
 

Crudebug

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Louise, a young wife came home one day and found her mother standing in a bucket of water with her finger stuck in the light socket. Ian, her young husband was standing by the switch.
'Hello, darling,' greeted the mother, 'Ian has had this marvellous idea for curing my rheumatism.'
 

squirt

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[QUOTE="Crudebug, post: 3620277]This young Dublin fella comes home all excited to tell his ma he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says: "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you just try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees, so the next day he brings along three beautiful and sits them down on the couch and they chat away for a while. He then says: "Right, OK Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did ye know?"
"I don't like her."[/QUOTE]

the ones we like don't stick around! lol :sob:
 

Crudebug

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[QUOTE="squirt, post: 3620677]the ones we like don't stick around! lol :sob:[/QUOTE]

then start to like them and they will flee
 

squirt

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wanna try that again? lol I do like them and they do flee lol :flowerforyou:

*the ones we like don't stick around lol
 

Crudebug

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[QUOTE="squirt, post: 3620947]wanna try that again? lol I do like them and they do flee lol :flowerforyou:
*the ones we like don't stick around lol[/QUOTE]

then start to piss them off.. and they'll stick around to bug u back..
am still groggy.. lol...
 

Crudebug

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my mother-in-law stopped dusting the coffee table,, :sweep:
instead she uses it as a message board..
 

Crudebug

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I asked my mother-in-law if she wanted to go to the Super Bowl..
She asked me if that was a toilet that cleans itself... :hairpull:
 

Crudebug

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My mother-in-law said she needed hormone replacement therapy..
I told her she had a bunch of other things which needed to be replaced first..
.
.
.
Wonder why my wife is suddenly giving me the silent treatment...
 

Crudebug

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My mother-in-law had a blood test. She told me her type was NEGATIVE..
I told her I was not surprised...
.
.
.
I barely managed to duck under the saucer which came flying from under my wife's tea-cup...
 

squirt

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[QUOTE="Crudebug, post: 3620958]then start to piss them off.. and they'll stick around to bug u back..
am still groggy.. lol...[/QUOTE]

that's what I thought you meant! lol :hugs:
 

Crudebug

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dust if you must but bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind
and when you go, and go you must, you, yourself, will make more dust[/COLOR]
:giggles:
would it make me sneeze?
do u think all that sneezing might wake up the peaceful neighbors?
 

Crudebug

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[QUOTE="squirt, post: 3621798]that's what I thought you meant! lol :hugs:[/QUOTE]

women!!!!! and yet u made me spell it out.,.. grrrrrrr
 
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