Todays Blonde Joke......

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A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies.

Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.

"Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!"

Ground control received her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam.

I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position."

"I'm 5"2' and sitting in the right front seat."

Ground control: "Repeat after me: Our Father..... who art in Heaven...

 

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lol

 

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They didn't finish it the joke is why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory because she kept throwing out all the Ws Es and 3s

 

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Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV... The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money." Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump.
"The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money...

 

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What do you do if a blonde has pin in her mouth?

Duck, she has a grenade.

 

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Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV... The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money." Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump.
"The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money...

 

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Two blondes traveled 2 hours from town and walked deep into the woods searching for a Christmas tree.
They were all warmly dressed from head to toe carrying their saw, hatchet and a rope to drag the Christmas tree back to the car.
They had thought of every little detail planning this trip.

The two blondes were determined to find the perfect Christmas tree.
So determined, that they searched for hours slugging through knee-deep snow, blistering wind and were'nt even distracted!

Finally, five hours had passed and the sun was beginning to set, so one blonde turned to the other blonde and said,
"I GIVE UP! I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! There are hundreds of beautiful Christmas trees all around us.
Let’s just cut one down whether it's decorated or not!!"

 

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.

Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."

Bartender:"What is a B and C?".

Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."

Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."

Bartender: "What's a G and T?"

Redhead: "Gin and tonic."

Blonde: "I'll have a 15."

Bartender: "What's a 15?"

Blonde: "7 and 7"

 

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A surgeon went to check on his patient, a blonde from Essex. She was awake so he examined her.

"You're doing fine," he said.

"Well how long will it be before I'm able to resume my normal sex life doctor?"

The surgeon paused, and was rather lost for words.

"What's the matter doctor, I am gonna be okay, aint I ?"

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry, you'll be fine...it's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

 

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A blond woman goes to the hospital.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."
The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
they're the stickers off the bananas !!

 

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